New Year, New Life

Seeing as we’re coming up on the end of January, I decided it’s high time I make a New Year’s post. (Better late than never, right?)

Some of you may have wondered why I went from blogging almost every day to being virtually silent these past couple of months. Frankly, I’ve gone through a bit of a mid-life crisis, and something happened recently that forced me to take stock of what’s important, and thus reevaluate my priorities.

Toward the end of last year, I started feeling overwhelmed. What with aging/declining/dying parents who depend on me for their emotional strength (and their ER visits - even though they live three hours away), menopause, puberty (times two), homeschooling (times three), and all my volunteer work, I was feeling a tad stretched. And mentally I felt like I was going to break.

I’d finally come to the conclusion that something was going to have to give. I’d been sacrificing sleep, exercise, patience, health, and time (and love) with my children and husband, and that wasn’t something I could continue over the long haul.

Then I got a phone call that created something of an epiphany for me.

One Thursday morning my mom called. You see, my dad’s sister has the same sort of undetermined dementia that my dad has. She’s younger than he by a few years, and although she started into the dementia at an earlier age, her disease has progressed more slowly, and today she’s still able to dress herself and manage (to a certain extent) her day-to-day activities with help.

But that’s not why my mom called. She called to tell me that my aunt’s son - my cousin - was just put on Alzheimer’s medication.

He’s 52.

The same age as my oldest sister and a year younger than my husband.

I’m 47.

Wow.

This shit is inherited.

To say that that was like a kick in the stomach was putting it mildly. I felt like I’d been given a death sentence.

Would I suffer the same fate, at perhaps an even earlier age?

How many good years did I have left?

How long before I began forgetting conversations with my husband? Milestones with my children? Graduations? Weddings? Births???

I sobbed in H’s arms, cried on the phone with my sisters, and spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself.

Then, a few nights later as I lay sleepless, realizations flashed into my mind. This was the epiphany. Suddenly, I could categorize these realizations under the “what I know for sure” label.

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE ...

1. Only a few things in life really matter. My children. My husband. My family. Love. Life. Creativity. Joy. The right now.

None of us knows how much time we have left. Does it matter that I might mentally begin to decline in five, ten, or even three years? Of course it does. But not nearly as much as how I spend those years. I could die in a car accident tomorrow. Do I want my children’s last memories of me to be ones in which I’m feeling sorry for myself, lamenting what might be ... rather than seizing the moment and living what is right now?

2. I know what my priorities are. I decided to dump everything that wasn’t a priority, everything that didn’t feed my love for life and make me feel energized. If I was doing something “selfless” (i.e., volunteering) but it wasn’t filling me with life energy and love, then I was doing it for the wrong reasons and, ultimately, I wasn’t helping anyone.

I came to realize, after some soul searching, that the reasons I volunteered weren’t the right ones. Like the celebrity who does some charity work simply for the PR (and thus ends up with the public looking at him with distaste), I found that I was needing the “strokes,” filling my need for recognition - I was still looking outside myself for validation. Not good for anyone. Who needs a “helpful hand” when that hand is simply grasping for praise?

But still, I was torn. Everyone is supposed to volunteer, give ‘til it hurts, smile while doing it, and be fulfilled from it.

But giving to others to the extent that I was somehow didn’t fit in with my priority list. It sounds extraordinarily self-centered, I’m fully aware. Nevertheless, I decided to give up my volunteering because I couldn’t devote myself to my family and also give to those outside my family ... and I experienced some guilt for choosing not to help out those who need it. (If I had removed myself a little from the emotion, I would have realized that the guilt in and of itself was an obvious sign that I wasn’t on the right track. Ask and It Is Given mentions guilt as a sure signal that you’re not on the path to happiness.)

Want to hear something interesting? This one thing solidified my what-I-know-for-sure decision to focus on my priorities and drop my volunteering. A few days after I mailed my letters to drop some of my volunteering efforts, I was on my once-a-week walk with one of my dearest friends, and as usual, we got to talking about spiritual matters and personal development. I filled her in on my reprioritization of my life and the fact that I was scaling back in order to devote my time to my family - and how torn I was about it. She looked at me wide eyed and said something like, “You won’t believe how many volunteer opportunities have landed in my lap this week!” She explained that she had lately been feeling the urge to get more involved (she once was a member of the Peace Corps but hadn’t volunteered in ages) but hadn’t found anything that seemed doable.

What are the odds of me deciding to quit volunteering the very same week that she suddenly found herself in the midst of half a dozen golden opportunities after years of dearth? Well, if you look at the world as a place of connected consciousness, I guess the odds are pretty high after all.

If I had any lingering doubts about refocusing on my priorities, that one conversation put them to rest. I have since completely embraced this decision, and I feel stronger, clearer, healthier, and happier than I have in a span of time that’s too long for me to remember. To change a phrase, the universe works in mysterious ways.

3. I’m lucky. I had only the potential of a life-threatening issue to bring me to awareness. I want to heed this and not wait for a true crisis to figure things out. All around me I hear of people who have cancer, diabetes, heart disease, or other immediate and possibly fatal issues. All I have is a threat. I’ve got it pretty good.

One more interesting thing ... Since my epiphany, I haven’t lost my temper. Not once. I walk through my day smiling and singing. If I have only three good years left and if I can spend them all without losing my temper, it’ll be worth it.

Odd, isn't it ... this threat of looming dementia causing joy and light-heartedness?

Thanks for reading through this long explanation. As far as this blog is concerned, the fallout is that I’ll continue to post occasionally, but it won’t be nearly as often as I had once planned. If the spirit moves me and I want to share something, I will. If I don’t, I won’t feel guilty.

I won’t be venting, chastising others for their parenting practices, or lamenting about how inconvenient/horrible/tedious anything is. This will be a place for my celebration of life in all its forms: good books, happy parenting snippets, interesting homeschooling stories, creative outlets, and all other enriching facets of life.

Come back and read about my new life. Or not. It doesn’t matter.

What does matter?

Your family. Love. Joy. Creativity. Life. Your connection to the world. This moment.

Experience them all to the fullest. And if in doing so you never visit my blog again, I’ll be ecstatic.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

When life takes over and weighs me down, this refreshes me. Even with peeling paint, pet stains, torn screens, and pencil scribbles on the wall - mere blemishes on a fundamentally glorious base, the perfect representation of my life - this view rejuvenates me.

These are the doors in my bedroom, and the tree you see just outside is actually the top of a tall oak tree, as the deck here is about fifteen feet off the ground.

I've been staring out this window quite a bit lately.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Tonight I'm grateful for telephones. And internet. Telephones and internet that work. For a few days we were without our phone and internet. (Miss me?) Apparently ATT had a major break in the system somewhere and the whole neighborhood was without digital power.

I'm intrigued at the progression of my emotions: first confusion, then dismay, followed closely by outrage. (How can they possibly do this to us? Don't they know that I have blogs to follow and videos of talking cats to watch and clips of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" to laugh at? What about all my loyal blog followers? How will they possibly survive without my witticismness and profoundosity?)

Funny, my emotions quickly ran to relief, at having an excuse not to check my email and keep up on my parenting lists. Then they went to apathy, with an almost palpable desire to stay disconnected from the world.

This is what my kids do for education when we don't have internet access.

So it was with mixed feelings that I came home to find my little brilliant green light blinking to say that all was right with the digital world.

Oh yay!

Oh darn.

Okay. Back to the real world.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Today I'm grateful for my local AP parenting group. They're some of the strongest, wisest, and most accepting women I know. I'm incredibly fortunate to live in Austin, home of this remarkable group and a place where homeschooling is not only welcome but also encouraged.

I'm one lucky mama.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Today I'm oh so grateful for running water. Recently our water pressure decreased drastically for a short while, and I was amazed at how nervous that made me. My parents live out in the Texas Hill Country, and they live off a spring. At the height of this year's drought, they were squeaking by on a trickle of water until it finally went dry for a few weeks, when they were living off of water stored in plastic jugs. The town a few miles away was being delivered water by truck.

Their water is running again, and their pump is working now, so all seems to be okay. They can shower, wash clothes, wash dishes, and make ice. It was tough for them for a stretch.

But it makes me hyperaware of how much we depend on water. Now every time I rinse my dishes I notice how much water runs into the drain. Every time I wash my hands I think of all that clean water that's wasted.

Every day I'm reminded of our dwindling water supply and how we need to preserve it. No great ideas here tonight, just gratitude for the recent rains and for indoor running water, available, hot or cold, at a moment's notice.

Photo of dripping water by naughty architect from here.

Friday Giveaway - The Giving Tree

In honor of all the offers of help I received when my parents came into town unexpectedly with a medical crisis a couple of weeks ago, I'm giving away a copy of The Giving Tree.

Entry is a two-step process this time (I'm going to make you work for it):

1. Comment here or email me offlist at TheEclecticMom@gmail.com about whether you love or hate this book (or have no opinion at all), and

2. Tell one of your homeschooling friends or attachment parenting friends (or any other friends) to enter too!

(Obviously, I won't know if you've done #2 - oops, sorry, that sounds bad - so you're on the honor system.) I'll pick the winner by random drawing on Tuesday morning. Deadline is Monday at midnight CST.

_______________

If you liked this post, you might enjoy Sunday's Gratitude Post from September 13.

A good day

Today was one of my favorite types of homeschooling days. We didn't have to be anywhere until late afternoon, and we spent the morning doing our own thing and coming together after lunch for some group work.

We laughed through my off-the-cuff writing/editing lesson, where my kids fixed my "crappiest story of all time, Mom." I can't imagine why they said that. Here, I reproduce for you my story in its entirety. I'm sure you'll agree it's prize-winning material:

bob wanted to spend the day at the beach on his vacation so he loaded up his station waggon and drove down to the beach at the end of island where there was a nice sandy quiet beach with alot of nice white sand once he was there he set up his umbrela and chair and cooler and decided to swim so he went into the water and started swimming because he thought it would be nice to have a swim he went out as deep as his knees and then thought that would be a nice place to start swimming he started swimming and saw that a big shark was heading his way he got very upset when the shark started swimming his way and then bit his legs off he got even more upset when the shark bit off both his arms bob then realized that he couuldnt swim any more he was upset when he realized that he wouldnt be able to swim back to shoar this incident made him realize that he was appropriattly named since he was bobbing in the water bob was so boring and tasteles that the shark vomited up bobs arms and legs where bob was surprised to see that they magicly reattached themselves the end

Okay, so maybe it's not great. Maybe it's not even good. Okay, okay, it stinks. That's the point. They're supposed to make it into something decent, even if the finished product doesn't approach greatness. Unfortunately, I'd made the story so very bad, so horrible, so completely without merit that we ran out of time fixing it. Poor bobbing Bob will have to wait another day to have his story written in gripping prose.

Next on the agenda was reading together. Today we read in Discover magazine"20 Things You Didn't Know about Eclipses." The 20 Things article, found at the back of every magazine, is a favorite read-aloud of ours. The highlight of today's article was when we were talking about symmetry, and S misheard me and said that symmetry was this place where people were laid out in rows after they'd died. Huh? It took me two beats to realize that she was talking about a cemetery. We rolled on the floor laughing about that one for at least five minutes.

But the best part of the day was one of those in-person learning experiences. Those are the best kinds, because the kids see the learning in real life, rather than just reading it in a book or seeing it in an educational video.

The display in my friend's beautiful house. It was splendid.

Today we visited the home of my gracious friend, R, who invited us to visit for Navaratri, a special festival in India - nine nights and ten days of celebration and dancing. (We were only there for an hour of it.) Our mutual friend, Deepa, sang traditional songs in the most beautiful, melodious voice. The entire house - adults and children alike - were entranced. The kids came home talking about the dolls that were displayed, the delectable food that R cooked, and the rich culture of India. She even gave me dinner - home-cooked Indian food, no less - to give to H.

G talked about how India was one of his favorite countries to study because of its incredible history and culture.

What was S's favorite thing? Well, the adorable little wooden elephant that was our gift from R, of course. It's now gracing the lock on the back door.

S's favorite part of our day.

Thank you, my friends, for making our day so special.

________________

If you enjoyed this post, you might like Dangerous Books.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Tonight I'm grateful to be in my own home with my family. I'm grateful that my parents are back in their own home, under the temporary care of my middle sister. I'm grateful that my mom's doctors figured out her pacemaker problem and (hopefully) got it solved. I'm grateful that, for a brief time at least, my father knew me and played with my children. I'll be grateful for that for as long as it lasts.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Today I'm grateful for lots of things. My father's laugh. My mother's voice. My friends' kindnesses.

My mom was back in the emergency room last Thursday for yet another heart issue. Again, our world was turned upside down. I spent a night without sleep with my mother in the ER waiting for test results, speaking reassuring words, and hoping for the best.

The next morning was the first day of our Friday Co-op, which the kids have been looking forward to all summer. I was a wreck, but our homeschooling friends were supportive and helpful, and I even had one of them bring us dinner that night. I've had so many friends offer such an immeasurable amount of help that it truly astounds me.

One of the joys of the last few days was the time I've spent with my dad. Although he's slipping slowly into the well of dementia, he still is himself in many ways and still is joyful. The kids have always enjoyed his humor, giving him the nickname of The Teaser many years ago. It warmed my heart to see them still have fun with him.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Today I'm grateful for comical stereotypes. Yes, I realize that seems a bit odd to be grateful for. But just watch this goofy video and you'll see what I mean. These stereotypes were enough to make me laugh out loud, and I needed a laugh!

Come to think of it, I wonder where those stereotypes actually come from.... I mean, I know lots of homeschoolers, and not one of them looks anything like this. Too funny.

The one comment I can make about this video is, thank God it's a joke!

And the Beat Rolls On ...

Thanks so much to my wonderful virtual friend Era, for passing along the Kreativ Blogger award to me. Era is such an insightful and witty blogger; I'm honored. (Maybe now that you're in my neck of the woods, Era, we can actually meet in person.)

So now I must pass along the award! That, of course, is the nicest thing about receiving an award - recognizing those others who put their heart and soul out there for all the world to see.

So here goes ...

To Victoria at Hanging by a Nerve ..., for her honest, no-nonsense, and sometimes poignant outlook. As she says, she doesn't sugarcoat things. "If you want duckies and bunnies, move along." Love that.

To Desiree at So Fawned, for energy and her obvious attachment to her effervescent daughter, rare for a mother so young. We need more young moms like Desiree! (I'm not sure how often she reads my blog, so she may never see this.)

*******

On another note, I am remiss in tagging someone for the "7 Reasons I Am Awesome" list. Perhaps it was such a harrowing personal experience that I hesitated to thrust that torture on someone else.

If you're not sure what I'm talking about, see this post.

But if you thought you were off the hook, Hannah, think again. Ha ha, you're it!

I tagged Hannah, who posts at A Quiet Spot, because I'm truly interested in reading her list. She has such a long list of awesomeness, it'll be interesting to see what she chooses.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Boys. NICUs. Red-heads. High-energy kids. Micro-preemies.

Now teenagers.

Amazing how something so tiny can change your life

so drastically, so brilliantly.

G came into our lives 14 weeks early at 2 lbs, 5 oz.

Due in December, born in August.

The doctors allowed us to lay one finger on him

before they wheeled him into the NICU.

We could only touch him softly, for fear of his skin tearing.

We could see his heart beating beneath his skin.

All five of his fingers could fit inside my size-4 wedding ring.

This is the first day we got to hold him, on Day 7.

I sat holding my little kangaroo for hours at a time, day in and day out.

I watched other parents come and go,

but one of us was always there with our baby.

He burned with fierce determination and tenacity from the very beginning,

a trait that kept him alive then and that continues to serve him well today.

They called him "The Miracle Baby."

Never on a respirator, never on nasal prongs.

He nursed when only 30 weeks, remarkably early.

He was just tiny and needed to grow.

At 34 weeks, still 6 weeks premature, he came home -

eyes wide with wonder.

He continued to amaze us, reading at 18 months.

Here, at 11 months, he's picking out letters from the headlines

while having his cup of joe.

He wholeheartedly welcomed his little sister

when she came along a year and a half later.

They were best buddies - and still are (well, most of the time) -

along with their younger brother.

At two, he hadn't said "Mama" yet.

We wondered if he would ever speak.

But he would sit on the couch with us and read literally for hours at a stretch.

We were heartened by that affinity for words, which alleviated our fears.

At 3, he not only said, "Mama," but also just about anything else he wanted.

With great gusto. Often, and vociferously.

Always driven to succeed, he earned his Black Belt at age 10.

Again, his perseverance rose to the surface.

Still reaching for his goals, he attended the State-level

National Geography Bee for the second time this year.

Next year, he hopes to make it to Nationals, a dream he's had since he was 10.

He studies geography several hours a day.

Soccer, a past love of his.

On to bigger and better things now.

Finally, after playing for six years, he and his team won State.

Great to go out on a high note.

Now, a teenager.

Wow, where did the time go?

How do you adequately say you're grateful for something

that so radically changed your life that your entire being,

your complete world picture,

indeed the very physiology of your brain is changed forever?

For someone for whom you would willingly live for eternity,

die in an instant, and do it all over again?

This parenting gig is shaping me in ways I never imagined.

My children have taught me more than any school,

have guided me more than any teacher, and filled me more than any religion.

Once again, my life is changed, now that I'm the mother of a teenager.

The path before me is clearer than I ever imagined.

I just hope that I can walk it with the integrity and respect that my new teenager,

my daughter, my preteen son, and my dear husband deserve.

I'm grateful.

Happy Birthday, G.

_________________

If you liked this post, you might enjoy Does Attachment Parenting Really Work?

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Six Flags Fiesta Texas. Need I say more?

Boomerang, an extreme coaster that all the kids chose to ride, much to my astonishment

Well, I guess I do, so here goes. A few highlights of the day:

No people - the day before the first day of school, tax-free shopping weekend, and 158 degree temperature

No waits - the longest wait we had was about ten minutes to one of the water rides; we walked right up to the turnstiles for the big-ticket coasters

Maturing kids - my previously cautious kids (fear of new things, fear of heights, etc.) tried some of the biggest and scariest rides in the park, including an almost vertical drop of about 15 or 20 stories in a water chute (see a photo here, which I have to provide a link for instead of a photo, since it's copyrighted)

S riding all the extreme roller coasters with her uncle, including one (Goliath) all by her lonesome

G riding one extreme roller coaster and considering another

T exhibiting that he's completely over his fear of heights (see photo link above, for the twisty chute, and this link for the giant water slide)

Time with the kids' aunt and uncle, who gave this outing to them for their birthdays

Goliath, which S rode twice, once by herself

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy Last Stop ... Terra Cotta Warriors

Photo of Boomerang by racer108 from here

Photo of Goliath by Kaleenxian from here

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Shipping bolts! Woohoo! Shipping bolts!

I never knew I could be so thrilled about the existence of shipping bolts. But here I am, with four shiny, new, long, gorgeous bolts, each sheathed in lustrous white plastic, crowned with a sleek black plastic collar, and topped with a dazzling crimson jewel ... all biding their time on the top of my new washer. Waiting. Waiting for the knights in the delivery truck to come install our washer.

Yes, our washer that was new three weeks ago. Our washer that was supposed to be installed three weeks ago. Our washer that generated a different kind of gratitude post about patience.

So tomorrow is The Big Day! The installation guys are supposed to come and install this brand spankin' new washer that (fortunately, thanks to my godlike husband) has been working but is not installed on its pedestal.

I'm also grateful that I'll get that danged pedestal out of the garage, where I've been convinced it was going to get slammed into by one of our cars. And I'm grateful that the washer and dryer will be up so I don't have to sit on a chair and climb in to get the clothes, and that they'll be in their rightful positions ... not in the aisle where we have to squeeze past them to get from the garage to the rest of the house.

Yippee!

If this post makes no sense to you, please see the Saturday Quote of the Day from, oh, about three weeks ago. Not that I'm impatient or anything.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

I simply can't express how grateful I am to have married into such a wonderful family. I am beyond fortunate to have not only chosen the perfect husband for me but also a husband with an amazing family.

We just got back from our annual reunion with his family, this year in New Orleans, and as usual, I was delighted to spend time with them. I just wish I could see them more often.

This is my elegant mother-in-law and my not-so-elegant-at-the-moment niece at our girls' breakfast at Cafe du Monde in New Orleans.

I'm using this picture of my niece because I know she reads my blog. Haha! Gotcha!

I'm going to get a bit of that wish filled, because one of them is moving to Austin - her boyfriend is getting his doctorate - and I'll get to see her often. (I hope!)

Not the best picture of one of my other beautiful nieces, but it was the only one I had of her, also at Cafe du Monde.

I'm SO excited that she's going to be living in Austin! Yay!

All of my nieces and my nephew have grown into remarkable, brilliant, compassionate human beings, and what's even more extraordinary is that they've all paired up with equally terrific people. I'm proud and honored to call them my family.

I'm truly grateful.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

The highly observant of you will notice that Sunday's gratitude post is a day late. As you probably expected, it's related to yesterday's post.

Today I'm grateful for patience.

That's all I'm sayin'.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Tonight I'm grateful for organizational urges. They don't come to me very often.

Well, that's not true, actually. They come to me quite often ... but they whiz by before I can grab hold.

Recently, however, I've been watching for them and anticipating, so I can latch on before they disappear. For the last couple of months, we've taken a few hours out of our weekends to pick one small section of the house and organize it. Today it was the office, and it got to be a bigger job than I had planned. I ended up going through piles of stuff, recycling a bunch of junk, putting some in the Goodwill box, and even organizing drawers.

I'm dirty and tired, but I feel refreshed. I can open my drawers and see what supposed to be in there!

Now, let's see how long the organization lasts.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Appropriate to the holiday weekend, today I'm grateful for freedom - specifically the homeschooling freedom we have here in Texas. Our state is known for its independence. And while it doesn't have the best reputation for lots of things (you can probably come up with a long list here), it does do lots of things right: ZZ Top, Dr. Pepper, the world's largest urban colony of Mexican Free-Tailed Bats, Stevie Ray Vaughan, and the only migratory population of whooping cranes in the country, just to name a few. 

In Texas, homeschoolers have complete freedom. By law, our homeschools are private schools and fall under the same regulations as any other private school in the state (but our tuition is much more affordable). We don't have to register, take standardized tests, answer to any governmental organization, or follow a particular curriculum. We don't even have to conduct classes a specified number of days a year (in actuality, most of us "do school" far more days than traditional schools do).

In other parts of the world, life for homeschoolers is harder. Currently in Europe, homeschoolers rights are being threatened. (I'll post about that further in the future.)

So today, the day after Independence Day, it seems only fitting that I express my gratitude for our freedom to educate our children in the best possible manner we can imagine.

Thanks, Texas!

Photo of Texas bats by dizfunkshinal from here

Sunday's Gratitude Post

Tonight I'm grateful for leftovers. Much maligned, rarely appreciated, often discarded ... tonight we ate 'em. We tossed them into a big pot, stirred them together, and called it "soup." 

After running errands this afternoon, I was too late and too tired to manage anything remotely resembling dinner, so my mom and I improvised. 

Ah, how delightful to have enough crap in the fridge to throw together - literally, from across the kitchen - and feed a family of seven (grandparents are still here after recovering from the heart escapade). 

Sunday's Gratitude Post

A true father ...

A man who

  places his family before all else - his friends, his work, his hobbies

  is always around, and always approachable

  is dependable, who can be counted on no matter what

  considers his children's feelings before his own

  cares about his family, to the extent of sacrifice if need be

  does the right thing not only because it's the right thing but also because he 

      knows he's an example for his kids

  means what he says

  expresses his love in small ways, through the day-to-day routines of life

  is much, much more than words can express. 

To have such a father, a person is lucky. To have two such fathers in her life ... well, that person is extraordinarily blessed. 

My father, a man who has never let me down. My rock, my security through my childhood and well into my adult years.

My father with my sister

My husband, who assumed that weighty job when we married. A father to my children that I wished for in my dreams. For me, my dreams became reality. 

My husband with T

How lucky that I would find a man equal to my father? Was it a good choice based on a good role model? Maybe. Was it some fundamental wisdom on my part? Doubtful. Was it chance, fate, destiny? Who knows? I'm just glad I was so fortunate.

Happy Father's Day to you both.

And thank you.