The Eclectic Mom

Day 23--Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T18:25:00.005-06:00

This is what I live for ... cooking together, watching a sappy movie together, laughing, joking, eating; I love my family.

Day 22--The Right Thing

2011-12-24T10:02:00.003-06:00

Sometimes the right thing isn't the easy thing.

Day 21--How-Not-To Homeschool #1

2011-12-23T01:14:00.000-06:00

Don't be swayed by every piece of advice that comes your way, no matter how well intentioned; trust your gut.

Day 20--How Not-To

2011-12-21T16:10:00.002-06:00

I've been mulling over the idea of putting together a list of "how not-to" tips on homeschooling ... I have plenty of first-person material.

Day 19--Camelback Mountain

2011-12-21T00:47:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite things about Christmas is our decades-long family tradition of giving only gifts that have been made, bought used, or recycled; this allows me an excuse to get a little creative every year.

For my middle sister's family

Made from scraps of fabric, mostly silk

Close-up of the scraps

Another close-up of the sky

Camelback Mountain,

the mountain by my sister's house,

which is what my gift was supposed to look like

(heavy on the "supposed to")

Day 18--Renewed appreciation

2011-12-20T01:41:00.003-06:00

This exercise of writing a thought in one sentence has given me renewed appreciation for Mark Twain and Yogi Berra.

Day 17--I'm sorry, I was wrong

2011-12-20T01:40:00.000-06:00

"I'm sorry, I was wrong" is one of the most powerful statements, and one that frequently raises the speaker in the eyes of those spoken to.

(Posted a day late due to internet problems)

Day 16--Measure of Success

2011-12-18T00:18:00.000-06:00

You don't have to help thousands to make a big impact; great successes can be measured on many scales - one world, one country, one people, one person, one hour, one kind gesture, or even one tender word.

Day 15--Warm Fuzzies

2011-12-17T01:07:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite warm activities of the season is staying up late with the kids watching Christmas movies.

Day 14--Group Decisions

2011-12-15T23:43:00.004-06:00

One of my least favorite things about making group decisions is that rarely is there any one person who's completely happy.

Day 13

2011-12-15T00:05:00.002-06:00

Half the battle is won by just showing up.

Day 12--Happy birthday, Mom!

2011-12-13T21:53:00.002-06:00

Happy birthday to the woman who shaped me, by doing things right, making mistakes, showing me great things, hiding me from bad things, giving me TONS of love, giving me the best father ever and two fabulous sisters, letting me be me, and most of all just being herself - I love you, Mom!

Day 11--Seat-of-My-Pants Vascillations

2011-12-12T23:26:00.001-06:00

I vacillate daily between "Oh no! I'm pushing my kids too hard! They'll learn everything they need to know before college, and I need to relax so they can continue their love of learning!" and "Oh no! I'm not pushing my kids hard enough! They won't learn everything they need to know before college, and I need to work harder to make sure they know everything they need to know to continue their love of learning!' (otherwise known as homeschooling by the seat of my pants).

Day 10--Laugh ... Later

2011-12-12T00:58:00.001-06:00

Give 'em enough time, and those pull-your-hair-out mistakes become cherished family memories, that will make everyone laugh in the retelling ... a few years from now.

Day 10--Something to Remember

2011-12-11T00:39:00.001-06:00

Technically, the glass is always full.

Day 8--Just a Few Hours Late (no computer access)

2011-12-10T08:48:00.001-06:00

It's better to die living a full life than live dying from regret.

Day 7--This Is Why They Pay Editors

2011-12-08T23:48:00.001-06:00

This remarkable poem is oddly fascinating and perfectly appropriate, given my current love affair with All About Spelling ... and I'm relieved that I knew how to pronounce all the words I'd heard of (I'm not up on my Greek), especially considering that I used to get paid to edit other people's work.

Day 6--Something to Add to Yesterday's Post

2011-12-08T00:08:00.001-06:00

I realize now that I missed a crucial part of yesterday's thought, which should be added to the end: "... and learn."

Day 5--What I Need to Do More Of

2011-12-07T00:24:00.001-06:00

Listen and laugh.

Day 4--Rules, Love, and Hate

2011-12-05T23:45:00.001-06:00

I have a true love/hate relationship with rules--I hate that they're necessary, but I love them when they're needed.

Day 3--This Is Harder Than I Thought

2011-12-04T23:26:00.001-06:00

Putting a meaningful, coherent thought into just one sentence is a much harder task than I expected it to be.

Day 2--One of the Few Things I Miss

2011-12-03T20:04:00.001-06:00

One of the few things I miss from my pre-kid life is spending a drizzly day curled up on the couch with a snuggly blanket and an engrossing book, still comfy in my pajamas in the afternoon . . . napping and reading . . . napping and reading. . . .

Day 1--Don't Set Your Kids Up for Failure

2011-12-02T19:43:00.001-06:00

Recognize, value, and embrace your kids' strengths, and support them by putting them in situations that encourage them . . . rather than setting them up for failure by putting them in environments where you know in advance that they won't thrive.

30 Day Commitment

2011-12-01T23:44:00.001-06:00

Considering that it's been a year and a half since my last post, I can pretty well guess that I don't have any followers anymore. Well, that's just fine and dandy. This is just for my benefit anyway. But anyone's welcome to tag along for the ride.

I was listening to a TED talk a while back about a 30-day commitment: a commitment to do one thing every day for 30 days that will make you feel good. The author did simple things--taking one photo each day, for instance--and harder things--cutting out processed sugar, for instance. I thought it sounded like a great idea, so I thought I'd give it a try. (With something simple, anyway ... I'm not up for anything that requires work. I'm too lazy for that.)

So here's my simple plan. Write a one-sentence blog post each day for thirty days. Since December has 31 days, this first day of the month doesn't count. (If you haven't noticed, it's more than one sentence.) My guess is that I'll probably skip a day or two here and there, and maybe I'll lose steam a week into it. That's fine too.

While I'm making a pretty-sure-I-can-do-it commitment to doing this for 30 days, I made an absolutely-sure-100%-certain commitment a while back that I'll spend more time enjoying life and less time beating myself up for failing with stuff that doesn't mean much to me. So if this one-sentence blog thing doesn't work, then so be it.

Life's too short for spending time doing things that don't lead to happiness.

Let's see if I remember to post tomorrow. I'm a bit out of practice. Ha.

2nd Place! The 2010 State Geography Bee

2010-04-11T22:51:00.000-05:00

G with his 2nd-place trophy.

We're thrilled that G finally achieved one of his goals with geography and the Geography Bee - reaching the final 10 at the state level - although he would have loved to have won and gone on to compete at Nationals.

We've been asked lots and lots of questions regarding the Geography Bee, hosted by National Geographic, and what it takes to compete. If you'd like to learn more about the Bee, please take a look at G's website GeoBeeUniverse. He plans on spending a lot of time on the site this summer, updating it and compiling more info to help future competitors. For now, you can get at least an idea of what's involved in studying for the Bee. (Keep in mind, however, that we're learning too, and G's site is in no way affiliated with National Geographic.)

Here's how it works, in a nutshell:

(I've listed as examples some of the questions that G received at this year's State Bee, as best I can remember them. As the questions from the Bee are the property of National Geographic and thus copyrighted, if I have accidentally worded the questions here precisely as they have, it is purely coincidental. My memory isn't usually that good. Ha.)

SCHOOL LEVEL:

All interested kids compete. All homeschoolers in a city must compete in the same Bee. (Not sure exactly how schools decide their winner, but the contest for schools and homeschoolers follows the same rules.)

The winner of each school - Austin Area Homeschoolers is considered a school for the purposes of the Bee - takes a written test of 70 multiple-choice questions.

The students with the top 100 scores compete at the State level in Dallas.

G with Eric Yang, the 2009 National Geography Bee winner,

who is from Texas - we got to watch him win State last year.

Believe it or not, Eric is less than a year older than G;

he plays basketball. Can you tell?

STATE LEVEL (Nationals follows the same procedure as State):

Preliminary Round: This round is held to determine which 10 competitors will compete in the Final Round.

The 100 competitors (sometimes a few more, if there was a tie for the top scores) are broken into 5 groups. Each group is asked the same series of questions, consisting of 8 rounds. That is, each competitor must answer 8 questions, 1 in each round. Each round is in a different category, such as bodies of water, famous landmarks, or country borders. The questions might be U.S. questions or world questions within each round.

In past years in Texas, there have been more than 10 competitors with perfect scores in the Preliminary Round. In 2009, there were 17 perfect scores, and in 2008, there were 19. Those competitors answered as many tiebreakers as necessary to whittle the number down to 10.

However, this year only 6 received perfect scores in Preliminaries - one of which was G. That allowed him the luxury of resting during the tiebreaker round.

Final Round: This round is held to narrow the field to 2 competitors, who will compete in the Championship Round.

The Final Round is double elimination, meaning that competitors are allowed one miss and are eliminated after the second miss.

First Round: U.S. Geography

Example question: Natchez Trace Parkway, which runs through Mississippi and Alabama, ends in which state located to the north? (Tennessee)

Second Round: Google Imagery (Google is a sponsor of the Bee)

Example question: West Thumb Geyser Basin is located on the edge of Yellowstone Lake in which state? (Wyoming)

Third Round: All competitors answered this question on individual white boards

Example question: Canada's Waterton Lakes National Park, located in Alberta, forms an International Peace Park with a U.S. National Park located in what state to the south? (Montana)

Fourth Round: This was a bar graph on U.S. Foreign Assistance. The competitors had to look at the graph and answer questions. I don't have an example for this round, since you'd have to see the graph for it to make sense.

Fifth Round: Analogies

Example question: Green Bay is to Lake Michigan as Saginaw Bay is to what? (Lake Huron)

Sixth Round: Country Borders

Example question: What country borders Burkina Faso and Libya? (Niger)

Seventh Round: Again, all competitors answered this question on individual white boards

The Baikal-Amur Mainline, with close to 2,000 miles of track, takes its name from a lake and river in the eastern part of which country? (Russia)

Eighth+ Round: At this point, there are no more categories. The moderator simply goes down a list of questions and continues until a competitor has two misses, at which time he is eliminated. (BTW, there were no girls in this year's Final Round.)

There were still 7 competitors in the game at this point, but they dropped off one by one.

Example question: Efforts have been made to clean up the estuary of the Thames River, located in the southeastern part of what country? (United Kingdom)

Example question: In the 1940s, mining of bauxite shifted this island country's main export from bananas and sugar. Name this country. (Jamaica)

Example question: In the 1960s, Rwanda and Burundi gained independence from what European country? (Belgium) The audience audibly exhaled at G's correct answer, and the moderator shook his head, chuckled, and said, "Amazing."

Example question: Fogo, Sao Tiago, and Boa Vista are part of which Atlantic island group? (Cape Verde Islands)

Example question: What island east of St. Vincent gained its independence in 1966? (Barbados)

Third-place competitor goes out. G and one other competitor are the only two left - they had both missed one question at this point, G missing the last question asked in the Final Round, one about an ancient carved Buddha statue located in a country, with no geographic clues given.

Championship Round: When the field is down to two contestants, the slate is wiped clean and 3 championship questions are asked. The winner is the competitor who answers the most questions correctly. However, both competitors answered all three questions correctly.

Example question: Jedda, the port for the holy city of Mecca, is located on what body of water? (Red Sea)

Since all three questions were answered correctly, tiebreakers were asked in sudden death. Both of the first two tiebreakers were answered correctly.

Example question: What country includes the islands of Melville, Mornington, and Bathurst? (Australia) Note: Although our competitors answered this question correctly, there must have been some controversy surrounding it, because two of the islands are also found in Canada, and National Geographic doesn't ask "trick" questions. Apparently, Mornington was changed to Wellesley in the state bees in later time zones.

The question that decided the Bee - which was painful to G for the simple fact that he had studied this but couldn't pull up the answer in time - was this:

The island of Rapa Nui is more commonly known by what English name? (Easter Island)

All in all, an exciting and victorious day. G still has something to strive for next year, so not at all a bad thing.

"NurtureShock: New Thinking about Children"

2010-04-06T14:25:00.001-05:00

NurtureShock is my new favorite book (at least until my next new favorite). I just recently finished it, and I don't exactly agree whole-heartedly with everything in it, but that's okay.

But here's what I love about it. It doesn't take social wisdom as gospel, and it backs up its statements with research. I'm a self-proclaimed information junkie, so I eat up anything that's supported by numbers.

Case in point: What's the primary cause of obesity in children? Television, obviously.

Wrong. It turns out that kids who are obese don't spend any more time in front of a screen than slim children. Really?

Really.

This book will shake up your ideas of children and raising them.

Want one reason to read the book? After reading the chapter on sleep with my children, they all willing agreed to go to bed without coming up with reasons why they should stay up. They started discussing among themselves the most advantageous bedtime and working out strategies to get everything done before they needed to be winding down.

How's that for a recommendation?

This is along the same lines as Freakonomics, which I enjoyed - but not nearly as much. NurtureShock is likely to have a much larger impact on the way I parent.

Christmas Creativity

2010-01-27T22:20:00.000-06:00

In keeping with my New Life, I've begun focusing on being more creative.

For years, my family (parents and siblings) have eschewed spending money on Christmas gifts. But this created a problem, because we all enjoyed gathering as a family and giving items that we'd lovingly selected.

So one year we decided that we would set some rules. Gifts could only be 1) made, 2) bought used, or 3) recycled. In other words, no gifts purchased new. This was a great boon to our wallets, but it soon became apparent that we were trading money for ingenuity.

I love to sew, so most years I ended up sewing gifts. Over the past twenty years, however, I've run out of ideas for making gifts that anyone would actually want to receive. No one really wants a tea cozy, ya know?

A few years ago I came across this book, It's a Wrap, and I thought it would be great fun to make tortilla warmers. It took me a while to make the time, but I finally decided to do it.

This was for my oldest sister, a musician, whose favorite color is purple.

Made for my middle sister, an artist who loves bright jewel tones.

For my nephew (another artist), who just started college this year

and who probably eats a lot of tortillas.

My parents' ... my mom loves blue and green

and is an artist as well and so likes funky stuff.

For my parents' helper, who lives about four miles away.

A real country girl, hence the leather.

Any suggestions for gift I can make next year? Bring 'em on!

New Year, New Life

2010-01-25T21:26:00.005-06:00

Seeing as we’re coming up on the end of January, I decided it’s high time I make a New Year’s post. (Better late than never, right?)

Some of you may have wondered why I went from blogging almost every day to being virtually silent these past couple of months. Frankly, I’ve gone through a bit of a mid-life crisis, and something happened recently that forced me to take stock of what’s important, and thus reevaluate my priorities.

Toward the end of last year, I started feeling overwhelmed. What with aging/declining/dying parents who depend on me for their emotional strength (and their ER visits - even though they live three hours away), menopause, puberty (times two), homeschooling (times three), and all my volunteer work, I was feeling a tad stretched. And mentally I felt like I was going to break.

I’d finally come to the conclusion that something was going to have to give. I’d been sacrificing sleep, exercise, patience, health, and time (and love) with my children and husband, and that wasn’t something I could continue over the long haul.

Then I got a phone call that created something of an epiphany for me.

One Thursday morning my mom called. You see, my dad’s sister has the same sort of undetermined dementia that my dad has. She’s younger than he by a few years, and although she started into the dementia at an earlier age, her disease has progressed more slowly, and today she’s still able to dress herself and manage (to a certain extent) her day-to-day activities with help.

But that’s not why my mom called. She called to tell me that my aunt’s son - my cousin - was just put on Alzheimer’s medication.

He’s 52.

The same age as my oldest sister and a year younger than my husband.

I’m 47.

Wow.

This shit is inherited.

To say that that was like a kick in the stomach was putting it mildly. I felt like I’d been given a death sentence.

Would I suffer the same fate, at perhaps an even earlier age?

How many good years did I have left?

How long before I began forgetting conversations with my husband? Milestones with my children? Graduations? Weddings? Births???

I sobbed in H’s arms, cried on the phone with my sisters, and spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself.

Then, a few nights later as I lay sleepless, realizations flashed into my mind. This was the epiphany. Suddenly, I could categorize these realizations under the “what I know for sure” label.

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE ...

1. Only a few things in life really matter. My children. My husband. My family. Love. Life. Creativity. Joy. The right now.

None of us knows how much time we have left. Does it matter that I might mentally begin to decline in five, ten, or even three years? Of course it does. But not nearly as much as how I spend those years. I could die in a car accident tomorrow. Do I want my children’s last memories of me to be ones in which I’m feeling sorry for myself, lamenting what might be ... rather than seizing the moment and living what is right now?

2. I know what my priorities are. I decided to dump everything that wasn’t a priority, everything that didn’t feed my love for life and make me feel energized. If I was doing something “selfless” (i.e., volunteering) but it wasn’t filling me with life energy and love, then I was doing it for the wrong reasons and, ultimately, I wasn’t helping anyone.

I came to realize, after some soul searching, that the reasons I volunteered weren’t the right ones. Like the celebrity who does some charity work simply for the PR (and thus ends up with the public looking at him with distaste), I found that I was needing the “strokes,” filling my need for recognition - I was still looking outside myself for validation. Not good for anyone. Who needs a “helpful hand” when that hand is simply grasping for praise?

But still, I was torn. Everyone is supposed to volunteer, give ‘til it hurts, smile while doing it, and be fulfilled from it.

But giving to others to the extent that I was somehow didn’t fit in with my priority list. It sounds extraordinarily self-centered, I’m fully aware. Nevertheless, I decided to give up my volunteering because I couldn’t devote myself to my family and also give to those outside my family ... and I experienced some guilt for choosing not to help out those who need it. (If I had removed myself a little from the emotion, I would have realized that the guilt in and of itself was an obvious sign that I wasn’t on the right track. Ask and It Is Given mentions guilt as a sure signal that you’re not on the path to happiness.)

Want to hear something interesting? This one thing solidified my what-I-know-for-sure decision to focus on my priorities and drop my volunteering. A few days after I mailed my letters to drop some of my volunteering efforts, I was on my once-a-week walk with one of my dearest friends, and as usual, we got to talking about spiritual matters and personal development. I filled her in on my reprioritization of my life and the fact that I was scaling back in order to devote my time to my family - and how torn I was about it. She looked at me wide eyed and said something like, “You won’t believe how many volunteer opportunities have landed in my lap this week!” She explained that she had lately been feeling the urge to get more involved (she once was a member of the Peace Corps but hadn’t volunteered in ages) but hadn’t found anything that seemed doable.

What are the odds of me deciding to quit volunteering the very same week that she suddenly found herself in the midst of half a dozen golden opportunities after years of dearth? Well, if you look at the world as a place of connected consciousness, I guess the odds are pretty high after all.

If I had any lingering doubts about refocusing on my priorities, that one conversation put them to rest. I have since completely embraced this decision, and I feel stronger, clearer, healthier, and happier than I have in a span of time that’s too long for me to remember. To change a phrase, the universe works in mysterious ways.

3. I’m lucky. I had only the potential of a life-threatening issue to bring me to awareness. I want to heed this and not wait for a true crisis to figure things out. All around me I hear of people who have cancer, diabetes, heart disease, or other immediate and possibly fatal issues. All I have is a threat. I’ve got it pretty good.

One more interesting thing ... Since my epiphany, I haven’t lost my temper. Not once. I walk through my day smiling and singing. If I have only three good years left and if I can spend them all without losing my temper, it’ll be worth it.

Odd, isn't it ... this threat of looming dementia causing joy and light-heartedness?

Thanks for reading through this long explanation. As far as this blog is concerned, the fallout is that I’ll continue to post occasionally, but it won’t be nearly as often as I had once planned. If the spirit moves me and I want to share something, I will. If I don’t, I won’t feel guilty.

I won’t be venting, chastising others for their parenting practices, or lamenting about how inconvenient/horrible/tedious anything is. This will be a place for my celebration of life in all its forms: good books, happy parenting snippets, interesting homeschooling stories, creative outlets, and all other enriching facets of life.

Come back and read about my new life. Or not. It doesn’t matter.

What does matter?

Your family. Love. Joy. Creativity. Life. Your connection to the world. This moment.

Experience them all to the fullest. And if in doing so you never visit my blog again, I’ll be ecstatic.

At Least This Wasn't Me ...

2009-12-09T23:27:00.000-06:00

Let's get one thing straight. I've done some pretty shitty parenting in my day.

I've given my kid a jar of peanut butter, a spoon, and a sippy cup of chocolate milk and called it lunch.

I've begged my two youngest to watch "just one more video ... please???" (in my defense, I was nine months pregnant).

I've hidden in the back of the closet when I was so overwhelmed that I wanted to rip my toenails out.

But something I heard today made my skin crawl.

No, it isn't some horrid physical abuse or heartbreaking neglect. This is something that a loving, well-educated, mainstream mom did. And from what I understand, she does this sort of thing on a fairly regular basis. At least regular enough to cause the three-year-old to develop the nervous habit of twisting her hair out by the roots.

Background: Grandmother (GM) keeps 3yo frequently after school while parents work. Grandmother and grandchild (GC) have fabulous relationship, and GM and GC have spent lots of time together over GC's short life.

GC is at GM's house during a wedding party, and GC's mom wants to go home and put the new baby to bed. (Did you get that? There's a new baby in the house.) GC doesn't want to leave, since she's having fun, and GM is happy to keep GC for the night.

Mother says to GC something to the effect of, "If you don't come home with me right now, I'm going to pack up all your things in your bedroom and give them away. Then I'm going to turn your room into a guest room for Aunt Sally." GC sobs and ends up going home, twisting her hair until it breaks off. This is the same mom who forced same child to cut her hair short so that she wouldn't twist it.

Can you believe it? What is with parents? And remember that, not only does the child worry that Mom is ready to boot her out the door, she has to contend with the knowledge that younger sister is there to fill her place.

What the heck is wrong with people?

Nourishing Our Children through the Grandeur of the Outdoors

2009-12-02T22:09:00.007-06:00

I've been reading a lot lately about how kids need to get outdoors more, how this generation is starved for time with nature. So, along those lines, and because I'm always on the lookout for ways to get my kids out of my hair - um, I mean, provide the best education and environment for healthy brains and bodies - I recently made it a point to have my youngest two spend some quality time together in the clear, clean out-of-doors.

Ah, to be surrounded by nature, to smell the fresh breeze and soak up the healing rays of the sun.

To revel in the glory of the day. To bask in the warmth of the afternoon and feel the fresh breeze against your face.

What could be better for the soul and more nourishing for the mind than to spend long, tranquil moments sharing the splendor with your sibling. For, after all, the two of you share so much of your lives, and even your genetic make-up.

I delight in the knowledge that my children have been enriched by the beauty and magnificence of the breathing, living woods around us, that they have valued the luxury of having the time to spend drinking in the radiance of the day, that they have rested at night knowing that the world that surrounds them is rich with majesty and grandeur.

Uh.

Hmm.

Well, at least they enjoy their drama classes.

No vampires were harmed in the making of this movie.

______________

If you enjoyed this post, you might like My Understated 100th Celebration.

Regretting My Regrets

2009-12-01T12:02:00.000-06:00

Today's post is a guest post by Martha, who blogs at momsoap.blogspot.com ...

Before Annika was born I had regrets. I regretted staying with my ex-husband as long as I did. Hell, I regretted ever marrying him. I regretted not finishing school sooner. I regretted financial decisions. I regretted not working out more. I regretted haircuts.

Then when I got pregnant I philosophized about how all those bad choices had led me to the place I was in the world and if I hadn't done things just exactly the way I had, maybe, maybe just maybe, Annika would never have been.

Instead of regrets, those bad choices were now stepping stones that led me to give birth to this beautiful and perfect child of mine. She is something I will never regret, not even if she turns out to be a drug addict or a serial killer. She will always be my beautiful perfect child.

But now I have something new to regret. And I wonder if I even should. Ever since I started blogging regularly, I have wished many times that I had started sooner.

When Annika was growing inside my body I had such powerful emotions and as a writer, I wanted desperately to capture it all and share it with the world. I was feeling emotions that I didn't even know existed.

Yeah, I'm one of those women. I loved loved loved being pregnant. Even with the weight gain, hemorrhoids (gross I know), heartburn, achy legs, nausea, tiredness, brain fog, and swollen feet (my god they were like grapefruits), I loved it.

A powerful life force inside of me burned with a fury and I couldn't get enough of the feeling. Carrying my child was spiritual and divine. I had found the meaning of life.

I would sit down and try to write but I could never really figure out how to express what I was feeling. It always sounded so cheesy. I would expound wildly about how my emotions were like the universe and the sun and moon and stars.

Then I would read it and go, "who is this person?"

Then I realized they were just hormones. Yeah, the same ones that give me bloating and crankiness once a month. Yep, those hormones. And no one tells you that they take a few months to dissipate after the baby is born.

I thought I would continue feeling that way forever. I thought that pregnancy had made me into a new woman.

And while that woman was a softer person who seemed to understand children better, was friendlier and happier, I had lost my edge. I worried that I would never be able to write the way I used to.

So the first few months after Annika was born I continued trying to write about those things that I wanted to share with the world, but they always ended up being too personal and really only things that I wanted to share with Annika.

Plus, I could never concentrate long enough to write coherently and do it consistently. I can barely manage it now.

As I analyze the past two and a half years I realize that what was most important was and is concentrating on Annika and just being a mom.

And maybe the reason I couldn't form coherent thoughts often enough to write consistently is because that my emotions being transformed onto paper were less momentous than Annika learning how to crawl or making baby noises like her first "words," 'Ab' and 'Way."

Maybe the reason that we moms become less physically desirable and lose some of previous desires, and become foggy and tired is because the universe is telling us that concentrating on our little one is the only thing that should matter right now.

Hmmm, maybe it's not just hormones after all.

____________________

Momsoap is written by Martha Wood, an attached, stay-at-home mama to Annika, who is 18 ½ months. Martha co-parents with Annika's dad, Toyin. Martha never planned to become a mom and shock of all shockers, she loves it. Momsoap opines about single-ish parenthood, childhood and just life in general. www.momsoap.blogspot.com

Black Friday Giveaway Winner

2009-12-01T00:43:00.003-06:00

And the winner is ...

Kari, who wrote:

I have two stories to share!

One was when my son (who's now 18) had an ant farm he was only allowed to use at his grandparents home (their rule, NOT mine) and how he always wished he could have one of his own and you'd be fulfilling a very old dream for him if you pick our family.

The other is how I now have a 2nd family of sorts and my two daughters would love to have an ant farm and we could use it in our homeschooling.

Hope you enjoy your ant farm! Guess your kids will have to duke it out, huh?

BTW, be careful when you lift the lid to remove dead bodies. Those ants are fast! (You don't want to know how I know.)

Arms & Armor Wrap-Up

2009-11-30T13:22:00.000-06:00

REMINDER! Enter for a chance to win the red LED AntWorks! (See this post.)

*****

The end of the semester at Friday Co-op came and went, and I neglected to fill you in on the last several classes. So here goes ...

The final week:

We studied the Mongols, and the kids had a great time making swords.

Mongol swords (think Genghis Khan), as close to the real thing as possible

(at least with my limited imagination and budget).

The boys took great pride in their weapons.

Amazing what you can do with cardboard, paint sticks, and duct tape.

There were only a few casualties.

The week before it was Australia, complete with boomerangs and aboriginal dot art.

It's all in the details.

Careful! Some boomerangs will pinch off a nose if not caught at the precisely right moment!

Whadya know! They actually flew! Who woulda thunk it?

Not only did they fly, they came back! Wonder of wonders!

The week before that we studied the Plains Indians of North America, and we made coup sticks and atlatls. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera, so I didn't get any great shots of the kids working on their sticks or their weapons. You'll have to take my word for it that the atlatls shot their darts fantastically long distances and perfectly on target. (Cough.)

Actually, it's probably best that I didn't have my camera for that effort. But you do have my word that many, many harmless coups were made with the coup sticks, and no scalps were taken. At least no parents complained.

At least not to my face.

This is my attempt, and I only got a bit of help from the cat. I promise.

My heartfelt thanks to all the parents who entrusted me with the safety and education of their boys this semester! I thoroughly enjoyed the class.

Just not the night before.

When I was up at 3:00 cutting fabric, getting burned with hot glue, and slicing my fingers with exacto knives. But it was worth it.

Um, next semester I'm offering a word roots class.

______________

If you liked this post, you might like Zulu Warriors Right Here in Texas.

Black Friday Giveaway

2009-11-27T06:21:00.000-06:00

Picture Black Friday at your nearest mall, as seen from a helicopter. Does an image of little, tiny, scurrying critters, all illuminated by the red light of fury, come to mind?

In honor of Black Friday - and to ease the holiday shopping pain in the wallet - I'm giving away this Antworks with Red LED

(Somehow the symbolism seem entirely appropriate.)

You may enter in one of two ways:

Leave a comment here telling me how you'll use this ant farm, who will receive it, how you'll incorporate it into your homeschooling, or how you wished for an ant farm as a kid and how I'm fulfilling your lifelong desire of having an even better ant farm than you ever could have had at nine years old.

Or email me offlist at TheEclecticMom@gmail.com.

Enter by midnight CST Monday. Good luck, and happy shopping!

If you're not so lucky on Monday, you can also buy Antworks with Green and Antworks with Blue

Decisions and Changes

2009-11-24T22:49:00.004-06:00

All these years of pretending I'm SuperMom ... well, those years are over. I just can't pretend anymore. And with my approaching-fiftyish age (yikes!), I guess I need to admit that I just can't handle it. It. "It" being all those things that I can't handle. How's that for circular reasoning?

A couple of days ago I sent an innocent email to another homeschooling mom who asked me to tell her a little about myself, presumably to get to know me somewhat virtually and maybe make a bit of a connection. Well (cough), I think I scared the poor woman off when I started listing all the things I'm into, and frankly, I kind of scared myself. (Okay, it's not what you're thinking ... I'm not "into" anything kinky or illegal - at least not anymore. Hey, I'm a mom now.)

I was trying to give her a picture of who I was, since I have my fingers in so many pies (and that's not completely a figure of speech - just look at my butt lately). After the long list of things I volunteer for and take on, I was exhausted. What I mean is, I was exhausted just reading about them, never mind having to actually do them. I realized just how stretched I am. How I'm not doing any favors for myself, my kids, my husband, or my family.

I know there are plenty of other moms who accomplish a whole lot more than I ever will, and there are those who'll do so with a smile and a bounce in their step. But, like I said, I'm not SuperMom (be sure to say that with a booming, echoing voice). I just can't handle it like lots of other folks.

So now I'm trying to figure out the balance that works for me. I'm not quite sure what that looks like yet, but I know that I have to say "no" a lot more often. I need to figure out how to balance the needs of my kids, my husband, and my parents, along my own interests and needs. After that comes the needs of the world around me (and gosh, aren't there just a butt load of those?) and I get to pick those that I feel a connection to.

The bottom line is, I have to make some changes and some decisions. I need to volunteer to do less, and make the time that I devote to volunteering really count. I need to devote much of my energy to facilitating the education of my children, making sure they get raised up to be reasonably independent and responsible adults. I need to be committed to making my home a place where my husband and family feel nurtured and loved.

I need to do the things that make me feel whole and valuable. That's the one that's my sticking point. What do I give up? I enjoy everything I do, but I'm terribly inefficient and can't seem to manage everything I want to do. So that means I must give up something, or maybe several somethings.

You'll see some changes here on this blog. Heck, you've already seen them ... I've been virtually silent for the last several weeks. I've spent that time caring for aging parents, sitting on the couch with my husband occasionally (well, at least once, I'm sure), getting at least twenty minutes extra sleep a night, and starting my Christmas presents (that deserves a whole 'nother blog post, the whole Christmas tradition in my family). I haven't been posting.

Actually, writing is one of those things that I do all the time. Problem is, it's all in my head. Once they come up with the Mind-O-Matic - that mind transfer thing where my thoughts magically appear on the screen - I'll be all set. Until then, I'm screwed. One of my problems is that, with menopause crashing unceremoniously into my life full force - unlike all those pleasant stories I heard about women slowly sliding into a new hormonal balance - I can't remember a damned thing. I have this absolutely fabulous blog post or article written entirely in my head, and then when I sit down at the computer to write it out, this is what I remember: "Uh, kids are good, um, sleepy tired, respect, read a good book lately, uh ..."

See? I can't make heads or tails out of it either, so I'd suggest you don't even try.

In the next few weeks (hopefully), you'll see me hammer out a new plan. One that includes posting here (although not daily), lovin' on my husband (well, you won't actually see that), writing articles, homeschooling my kids, teaching a co-op class or two, taking field trips with my kids and friends, sewing, reading, and other things that fulfill me. I'm a work in progress.

Shit, I thought by this age I'd have it all figured out.

Crap.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

2009-11-22T23:03:00.000-06:00

When life takes over and weighs me down, this refreshes me. Even with peeling paint, pet stains, torn screens, and pencil scribbles on the wall - mere blemishes on a fundamentally glorious base, the perfect representation of my life - this view rejuvenates me.

These are the doors in my bedroom, and the tree you see just outside is actually the top of a tall oak tree, as the deck here is about fifteen feet off the ground.

I've been staring out this window quite a bit lately.

Life Happens

2009-11-09T23:37:00.003-06:00

I've been quiet lately, as some of you may have noticed. I tend to get swept up in the cycles of life. Sometimes I'll have weeks where the world bounces joyfully along, and all is easy. Other times I struggle with my own issues and inadequacies, and it takes me a while to get out of my funk.

At still other times, life steps in and changes things. Yesterday my dad had another stroke. He's recovering, and so far he's bounced back to about 80% of his normal. I'm hopeful that he'll recover much of that 20%, but only time will reveal that.

The last couple of weeks I've been preoccupied with Halloween, H and G's trip to the Appalachian Trail, my Arms and Armor class, and various other little things. For some reason, I just wanted to turn within and shut off the world. I tend to do that from time to time, and I always emerge refreshed.

This time I emerged to family crisis. Fortunately, things seem to be working out okay, but it could have been very different. I'm grateful for what I have.

As they say, "Always blessings. Never losses."

Lying Low

2009-10-27T21:54:00.004-05:00

What is it about having my family separated that makes me so out of sorts? DH and first-born are off on the Appalachian Trail (G's 13th birthday present), leaving the two younguns and me to hold down the fort.

I've been being a homebody while they've been gone, sorting through clutter and cleaning out the attic (yikes! digging through the decade-old rat leavings is another post in itself), and I haven't been in any frame of mind to be witty, clever, or even sensical. Thus, no blog posts.

Sorry if you've missed me. (And if you haven't, well, poopy on you.)

Plus, the boys took my camera with me, so I can't even take any embarrassing or cutesy shots of the remaining kids.

I promise I'll get back to it. They're back in town by the end of the week, so things should be back to normal, or what passes as normal, by the weekend.

Just Waaaalkin' in the Rain

2009-10-21T23:08:00.001-05:00

Let's get something straight. When it comes to having all this homeschooling stuff figured out, I'm clueless. And lazy. And often pretty lame.

So when an activity comes up that looks like it can pass for educational, especially if it requires little or no planning or effort on my part ... well, then, that's damn near spectacular. I jump on it like a duck on a grasshopper.

Enter McKinney Roughs, a nature park about a half hour outside of town. Occasionally McKinney Roughs hosts homeschool workshops on various nature topics for a reasonable price, and one of them was slated for today.

So I loaded up the kids, raced to make it on time (as usual, we were running ten minutes behind schedule), and careened into the parking lot at 9:30 on the dot. We found several other families there that we knew, so my kids were thrilled.

There was just one weensy problem. Did you happen to hear Hurricane Rick mentioned on the news?

Hurricane Rick as seen from this NASA image on October 18th while it was still a Category 5.

Granted, Little Ricky is now a tropical depression and isn't a bit of a threat (and never was) to us here in Central Texas. But do you see those arms of rain spreading out from that storm? A few of the fingers connected to those arms made their way across our part of the state, tickling us on the back of the neck off and on this morning.

Did I mention I was lazy? Being lazy means that often I prefer to stay indoors where it's nice and dry instead of huddling under borrowed rain ponchos previously used by sticky, sweaty school kids piling out of sticky, sweaty school buses on untold numbers of sticky, sweaty field trips. But today I didn't get the option of holing up in my toasty, cozy home, however, because I'd already paid my $9 for each kid. And hey, did I mention that I'm cheap too?

Fortunately, it ended up being pretty pleasant. It sprinkled off and on and only really rained for a short while, and the temperatures were cool enough to make the ponchos not stink too much (actually, not at all, but I wasn't trying to smell them, if you get my drift). Considering that about 75% of the workshop was held outside, that lack of hurricane rain, coupled with a smidgen of learnin' and good conversation with friends, made this a delightful morning. (Oh, and the kids didn't mind missing math and writing either.)

Just to prove that there was a touch of brain building going on, I'll give you a few pictures. These all came out pretty bad, considering that they were shot in the drizzle and the humidity made everything look like it came out of a Bela Lugosi movie.

If you look really close, you might see a bunch of monarch caterpillars on the small plant on the left. It's late for monarchs to still be in caterpillar form at this date, but the drought pushed everything behind schedule.
Poor T ... we really need to have that third arm growing out of his ear removed.

Speaking of caterpillars, this toothache tree is holding a bunch of these white caterpillars, three of which you can see here. This is an awful picture, but the caterpillars blended in perfectly with the bark. The kids kept spotting more and more of them. When they were touched, they raised bright red antennae and emitted a stench, compared alternately to dirty socks, apples, and something so heinous, and yet unnamed, that it sent my oldest into dry heaves.

Speaking of critters, we happened upon two of these funnel spider webs. On one of them, the hike leader was able to trick the spider into squirting out of her funnel and checking out the vibration. The spider was smarter than we were, however, because she took one look at the stick our leader was using, high-tailed it back into her funnel, and sternly refused to emerge again. I think I heard her say, "Fool me once ..."
If you look really, really hard, you might see a few reddish legs inside the funnel.

While I was hanging back to make sure that a boy who had run behind a bush to pee actually made it back onto the trail, I missed the name of this plant. But I did hear the part about how the Redcoats in the Revolutionary War were dyed (the coats, not the soldiers) using the pigment from this plant (fungus? bug? what the heck is that white stuff?) on the cactus. Clearly, I need to read up on my British textile history. Gosh, those folks must have really wanted their clothes to be bright red enough to be seen so far away that they could be picked off like dodos on the ground.

Wide expanses of the preserve had recently been burned, not necessarily a bad thing. Like one of the hike leaders said, the burns are like the reset button on the computer, giving the ecosystem a hard reboot.

Another burned tree. It was intriguing to see how the landscape was so brilliantly green in the areas that had been burned. Nope, not a bad thing at all.

Tomorrow, back to the grind. But that's okay. At least I won't have to be anywhere at the grizzly time of 9:30. Heck, that's practically the middle of the night!

_______________

If you enjoyed this post, you might like Pioneer Girls.

"Hold on to Your Kids"

2009-10-20T23:28:00.002-05:00

A long time ago - oh, I don’t know, several years, I guess - I stopped reading parenting books. After all, I’d read scores of them. I figured, what was the point? Either I agreed with what they said (so why waste my time?) or what they were touting didn’t mesh with my parenting strategies (so why waste my time?). My kids were older and I was pretty comfortable with what had become my parenting style - nothing I read was likely to shake things up.

Then I decided to become an API leader. As part of that process, I had to read three books, all of which had been published since I stopped reading: Hold On to Your Kids(Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate), Attached at the Heart(Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker), and Nonviolent Communication(Marshall Rosenberg).

So far I’ve finished only one of them, Hold on to Your Kids, and - as much as I hate to admit it - I’m delighted that I was required to read it.

Hold on to Your Kids is not just another parenting book. It’s not just another attachment parenting book. It gives good, solid evidence why staying close to our children and being their “compass point” is so much better than following society’s present-day norm of allowing peers to be our children’s guide. Over the past few generations, our “norm” has flip-flopped so that now we have an entirely skewed vision of what is, indeed, normal and healthy.

Over the last not-so-many years, our society has seen a shift in who should be the center of our children’s lives. Not that long ago, parents or other guiding adults were the anchors that kept our kids centered. But in recent times, that anchor has shifted to the peer group, and that has caused all sorts of problems. The authors explain not only what the problems are but also why they occur, and they give ways to solve the problems and bring our children back to us.

Absolutely missing in peer relationships are unconditional love and acceptance, the desire to nurture, the ability to extend oneself for the sake of the other, the willingness to sacrifice for the growth and development of the other. When we compare peer relationships with parent relationships for what is missing, parents come out looking like saints. The results [of having peers be the guiding force] spell disaster for many children.

Although I would have heartily agreed with the book’s premise before reading it, I would not have had any solid basis on which to place that opinion. So I was thrilled to see the authors give specific reasons why my ideas are right. hehe

Bear with me while I give a long quote, because it ties right into homeschooling and the inevitable “socialization” question:

The belief is that socializing - children spending time with one another - begets socialization: the capacity for skillful and mature relating to other human beings. There is no evidence to support such an assumption, despite its popularity. If socializing with peers led to getting along and to becoming responsible members of society, the more time a child spent with her peers, the better the relating would tend to be. In actual fact, the more children spend time with one another, the less likely they are to get along and the less likely they are to fit into civil society. If we take the socialization assumption to the extreme - to orphanage children, street children, children involved in gangs - the flaw in thinking becomes obvious. If socializing were the key to socialization, gang members and street kids would be model citizens.

The book is definitely worth reading, even though it’s sometimes like wading through a bog. I wish it had been written in a more approachable tone and edited back a bit (there’s quite a bit of repetition), but it’s worth slogging through nonetheless. (Maybe “slogging” is too strong a word.) The information is important enough that in a perfect world it would be accessible to a whole bunch of people, but with its depth it probably loses a goodly number of readers. Too bad.

This is a book that you can leave on your bedside table and pick up when you can read a page or two at a time. No need to sit down and digest the whole thing at once. But I do think it’s worth the effort.

________________

If you enjoyed this post, you might like "Parent/Teen Breakthrough."

Zulu Warriors Right Here in Texas

2009-10-19T20:47:00.009-05:00

My own Zulu impi warrior.

Last Friday I decided to take the boys in my co-op class all the way down to South Africa. We talked a bit about the Zulu's history and culture before jumping into our project. (Just a tiny bit, though, as the boys were eager to get to the weaponry.)

I had a bit of a different project in mind for this week ... one that included a shield as well as a spear and club - the whole package, as it were. The process wasn't quite what they were expecting, because the kids were able to do virtually all of the project themselves, so they were happily occupied weaving and gluing. All too frequently, they end up watching (and thus getting distracted) while the adults do the hands-on work after they ask for help out of frustration. This week, though, they seemed to be especially pleased by their creations, knowing that they'd done most of the work themselves.

And they didn't even have to bury them for two days under manure and pound them with stones.

This is what they were supposed to look like.

(Photo from Pitt Rivers Museum, University of Oxford)

We started with tracing ...

And cutting ...

And tracing and cutting ...

And more cutting ...

And then my brilliant idea of hardening the supple Corinthian Leather using fabric stiffener.

Let's just say that trying to take a shortcut by using a blow dryer didn't do the trick.

We ended up laying them out on the back porch to dry, where they got, well, a bit stiffer.

Sometimes the help of an adult was necessary, but it was minimal.

Evan didn't mind.

He waited patiently while the helper made the holders for the center support.

One happy impi warrior heads off down the hallway to meet unsuspecting students.

Scared yet?

(Sorry, I'm not feeling too witty or clever tonight, as I think I'm coming down with S's virus from last week. So tonight it's "just the facts, ma'am.")

_________________

If you enjoyed this post, you might like Maces, Chain Mail, and 4-Year-Old Knights.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

2009-10-18T20:30:00.003-05:00

Tonight I'm grateful for telephones. And internet. Telephones and internet that work. For a few days we were without our phone and internet. (Miss me?) Apparently ATT had a major break in the system somewhere and the whole neighborhood was without digital power.

I'm intrigued at the progression of my emotions: first confusion, then dismay, followed closely by outrage. (How can they possibly do this to us? Don't they know that I have blogs to follow and videos of talking cats to watch and clips of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" to laugh at? What about all my loyal blog followers? How will they possibly survive without my witticismness and profoundosity?)

Funny, my emotions quickly ran to relief, at having an excuse not to check my email and keep up on my parenting lists. Then they went to apathy, with an almost palpable desire to stay disconnected from the world.

This is what my kids do for education when we don't have internet access.

So it was with mixed feelings that I came home to find my little brilliant green light blinking to say that all was right with the digital world.

Oh yay!

Oh darn.

Okay. Back to the real world.

An Odd Thing to Wish For

2009-10-13T20:15:00.004-05:00

"Let's keep our fingers crossed," I said to my darling daughter. "Yes, let's," she agreed.

What grand goal were we wishing for? What distant dream?

That her annoying cough, which has had her hacking and wheezing all day, is actually swine flu.

No, I'm not a sadistic mother, waiting second by second until one of my children falls ill, so that I can stand over them with a gruesome grin on my face and a tumbler full of castor oil. No, I'm not a doctor wannabe, hovering day by day for one of my offspring to catch some horrible ailment that I can try my homemade remedies on.

I'm just pragmatic. If the kids get swine flu now while it's in a mild form, I won't have to worry about its later, more severe version. I won't have to decide to get them a new and untested vaccine. And if S gets it now, then perhaps she'll pass it on to H and G so that they can be over it before their trip to the Appalachian Trail next weekend.

So, all of you send us your best wishes, won't you? Wishes for fever, cough, achiness, vomiting, and diarrhea. Thanks a bunch.

_____________

If you liked this post, you might enjoy Calling the Cat.

Inca Warriors

2009-10-12T12:02:00.000-05:00

Last Friday we went back to the 1400s and down to South America. The Inca culture is a fascinating one to study. Unfortunately, I was only able to give kids bits and pieces of the story of the Incas, but my hope is that each of them took one small item of knowledge away.

This week we had nine boys(!), including a recent addition of a soaking-it-all-up preschooler and one eager visitor. No casualties this week!

What would homeschoolers do without hot glue?

An example of our slings and our bolas.

Some of the boys showing off their weapons.

The arsenal of the Inca included such weaponry as slings and bolas, in addition to a number of other weapons. This civilization was unbelievable with what they were able to accomplish, considering that they had no pack animals and no steel to use as tools. They crafted their phenomenal stonework - including the Inca road, which linked together about 25,000 miles of roadway - using fire, water, and wood wedges to cut the stones.

I could write for hours about the Incas, but I won't. I'd encourage you to read about them for yourself if you're so inclined.

I used a number of books to find out about the Incas, including these:

Aztec, Inca, and Maya (DK Eyewitness Books)

Machu Picchu (Unearthing Ancient Worlds)

This is one I want to read but haven't:

The Last Days of the Incas

_____________

If you enjoyed this post, you might like Casualties: 1 ... and Counting.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

2009-10-11T16:58:00.002-05:00

Today I'm grateful for my local AP parenting group. They're some of the strongest, wisest, and most accepting women I know. I'm incredibly fortunate to live in Austin, home of this remarkable group and a place where homeschooling is not only welcome but also encouraged.

I'm one lucky mama.

It Ain't Always Easy, but It's Always Worth It

2009-10-08T23:19:00.006-05:00

I got some flak for my blog post on API Speaks yesterday. One of the commenters was taken aback by some of my statements. So I reread my post, and I can certainly see why she might have taken some offense to my opinions.

To someone who had mellow kids, or maybe one child, or perhaps a ton of outside support, or even a group of like-minded moms to vent to, I can see how my words would rankle. She said of my post, "Perhaps it was intended to connect with an audience who finds attachment parenting to be difficult, even painful- but it also encourages the belief that it is normal, and okay, for it to be that way, rather than to find ways that are not painful or uncomfortable."

Well, the truth is, it is normal for it to be that way - at least for some of us, at least sometimes. Some of us have extraordinarily high-needs children who completely tap their reserves, day in and day out. Some of us have several closely spaced children or twins or triplets - and by the end of the day, we're completely "touched out" but still need to be accessible and welcoming to our children. Some of us have ill children, and we have to give and give and give. Some of us work and come home exhausted and still have to provide nurturing touch, when what we want is to have someone touch us in a nurturing way. Some of us are single and have no relief from being "on" all day - and night - long.

And yes, sometimes we pretend - to be patient, because the alternative is to be impatient; to be sensitive, because what we really want is to be left alone at that moment; and to be to be something we're not, especially if what we're feeling is not particularly "attached" at that second. Do we do this all the time? Most of the time? Much of the time? Obviously not, or we couldn't begin to call ourselves attachment parents, and we wouldn't be committed to this type of parenting.

For some of us, being attached is hard at times. Certainly not all the time, and probably not even most of the time.

But here's the deal. I've talked to countless parents who are following AP principles, and doing so with commitment and passion. Virtually every one of those parents finds it difficult at times. And many, many of those think they're the only one.

I can't tell you how many moms have thanked me profusely for letting it all hang out and admitting that I've struggled. They tell me that it actually makes staying committed to their beliefs easier, because they realize that they're not the oddball that they thought they were, that they're not doing it "wrong."

Almost everything we read about attachment parenting is about the positive aspects, the rewards, and the health benefits. And all those things are true. But it can be disheartening - at times - to those of us who are committed to this path but find it to be bumpier than the books let on, especially when we think that we're the only one struggling.

Of course, being attached to your kids is worth it, in so many ways that I can't even begin to express. More and more studies are backing up what AP parents have felt in their hearts all along - that our children are healthier, stronger, happier, and more confident over the long haul. Whether the path is sometimes difficult, sometimes rocky, sometimes steep ... it's the path with the most dazzling view, with the most brilliant sky, with the sweetest fresh air, and with the biggest rewards at the end, and strewn liberally all along the way as well.

So I am thrilled that there are parents out there for whom being an AP parent is easy. I'm elated that, for some, the few difficulties they encounter are easily remedied. For those who struggle occasionally (or even frequently) I just want to be that voice that says, "It's okay. You're human. We all struggle, and we all survive. And it's all worth it."

I must admit that I'm not a touchy-feely writer. In fact, when I first posted to API Speaks I wrote to the volunteer who handles the blog, and I asked her if my style was appropriate. I'm not apologizing; that's just me.

And just for the record, even though the early years were peppered with difficult times (and sometimes the pepper was a bit heavy), I never once was resentful. Never.

_____________

If you liked this post, you might enjoy The 8 Principles with Older Kids ... Still Valid?

The Struggles of Being Attached: Is It Worth It?

2009-10-07T12:07:00.001-05:00

This post is today's blog post on API Speaks, Attachment Parenting International's blog.

Is being an attachment parent worth it? Let’s face it, it can be tough.

I co-slept – with kicking kids who woke up repeatedly during the night, all night long. One night my youngest kicked me in the breast so hard that I developed a massive lump and had to get an emergency mammogram to make sure it wasn’t going to explode or fall off. But the worst thing? I was so sleep deprived that I didn’t even wake up when it happened….
… Our friends who Ferberized their kids boasted about what great sleepers their kids were. “Little Johnny sleeps through the night and doesn’t wake until 8:00. Sometimes I have to wake him up for breakfast!”

I nursed – when my breasts were so sore that I’d have cut them off and hung them on the wall if I’d had the option. Breastfeeding hurt so bad with my middle child that I would start crying as soon as she woke up hungry, even before she latched on…
… My friends would pull out a little bottle, shake some sticky powder into it, and pop a plastic nipple into Little Suzy’s mouth, who happily gulped it down. I even had a friend who had one of those bottles with the long tube attached to the nipple, since she couldn’t even be bothered with holding her baby to eat.

I carried them — my newborns, my toddlers, and my preschoolers for a thousand miles, sometimes more than one kid at a time (thank goodness they were small!). Sometimes one would be in a backpack, one would be in a sling, and one would be on my hip or holding my hand….
… My friends would be (choose one) dragging their kids along by the hand because they didn’t want to cooperate, lugging immensely heavy carseats, or pushing them apathetically along in a stroller.

I responded with sensitivity — well, that is, pretended to be patient, endlessly giving words of reassurance or encouraging mediation, while my inner voice was screaming behind my ears, “Just stop it, already!”…
… My friends would pull their kids behind a fence and give them a swat or two, or maybe put them in time out. Problem solved.

My friends — wonderful, loving, committed, but decidedly non-AP friends — would look at me with a sorry mixture of pity, confusion, and something bordering embarrassment as I stuck to my guns, refusing to spank my kids, punish them, or demean them.

Clearly, some of my friends thought that I was coddling my children, perhaps even dooming them to a life of feeling entitled and being unfulfilled.

But I tried my best to treat my kids with the same respect that I would want. They had just as much value and deserved just as much respect as I did. Why would I want to teach them that the world doesn’t respond to their needs (that is, CIO)? What would be the point of saving myself some discomfort now (okay, let’s admit it, a lot of discomfort) by bottle-feeding when I was perfectly capable of breastfeeding, especially at the expense of their health? How could I tell them to stand up for themselves and not let the world take advantage of them if I treated them like “less than” or if I demeaned or humiliated them? And did I really want my kids to think that I was the absolute authority on everything, so much so that they needed to jump to my every command, lest they be punished?

Nope. I wanted my kids to think for themselves; to know that their parents always had their best interests at heart, even when it wasn’t convenient; to be able to count on their parents to be there when they needed us; and to know without a doubt that their thoughts and opinions were just as valid as mine or their dad’s – or any adult’s.

Was it easy? No, not always, especially at the beginning, especially when what I was doing was so different from my mainstream friends’ strategies.

Now, though, I must say that it’s the easiest and most natural thing imaginable. Today my children know that they’re valued and worthwhile and that they’re the equal of every person on the planet, no matter their age. They’re secure, they enjoy spending time with my husband and me, they enjoy each other, and they’re just plain fun to be around.

My kids, attached to each other ... and their guitars.

And what about my friends’ children? Are they easy? Well adjusted? Self-confident? Still connected to their parents? Some certainly seem to be. But, well … not all of them are. I see many (most?) of them turn to their peers for validation. Some put up a good front at being cooperative and “good” while investing a lot of effort in “getting away” with things behind their parents’ backs. And others bow to authority simply because of the authority’s age or position.

That’s not what I want for my kids. I like to think that the “work” I put into being an attachment parent in the early years is paying off now. After the thousands of hours and hours of effort I spent cosleeping, nursing, playing, talking, listening, comforting, mediating, and just being, I’m seeing the rewards.

And those rewards will last a lifetime.

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy What I've Learned As a Parent.

Dependence Begets Independence?

2009-10-06T22:19:00.000-05:00

Can dependence really give rise to independence? How can that be?

It does seem counterintuitive, doesn't it?

Think about it for a minute. What makes someone independent? I don't mean independent by the current youth standard - not caring, not needing parents, and not being curious ... in short, being apathetic to life. Indeed, those very kids are totally dependent on their peers for validation, so in actuality, not independent at all.

No, I mean independent. Completely secure in who they are, what they believe, and how they act. We've all met them - heck, maybe you're one of them. When I was a young adult, I secretly looked at those people with great awe - those people who dressed in their own style, who held religious or political beliefs distinctly separate from their peers or their family, who forged ahead on their own and without a safety net, and who followed their own, if seemingly outlandish, career paths. I was never comfortable enough in my own skin to be one of those people.

So, I ask again, what makes a person independent? Secure? Willing to go out on their own without a group backing them up?

Let me go out on a limb here and say dependence. If a child starts life being dependent on caring parents, knowing that those parents will be there for him, rain or shine, then he can focus on exploring the world. If he knows that he's going to be loved unconditionally, with all his warts and indiosynchrocies, then he can become secure in who he is. If he learns early on that the world responds to his needs, then he becomes comfortable with being curious and expects that he'll get results from his actions.

If he begins life dependent on loving, caring adults who cherish him for who he is, there is no other path than that of independence in the healthiest meaning of the word.

Isn't that what we want for our kids?

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy What We Give Our Kids.

Paralyzed by Inefficiency

2009-10-05T21:30:00.004-05:00

Won't you consider donating just a bit of your wisdom to help a poor homeschooling mom?

I need help.

Okay, I admitted it. That's the first step, isn't it?

My plate is huge and full, and I keep eating and eating and it never gets emptier. A ton of side dishes crowd the main entree (read, my family). Heck, sometimes my side dishes cover up my entree so that I have to dig it out.

What with the volunteering, the homeschooling, the writing, my parents - forget any just-for-fun "me" things - I find myself so overloaded as to be paralyzed at times. My list of to-dos is so long that I take one look at it and am stymied. I really feel like I could get a lot done if I were simply more efficient and motivated.

And on top of all that, all of the little life emergencies step in the way and push aside the things I'd planned to do, say ... oh ... sleep, for instance.

Just tonight, for example, I had planned to get to the computer and write some incredibly poignant or hilarious or witty or insightful blog post. Instead, I got waylaid by my darling middle child, who decided she wants to go camping and hiking with H and G this weekend. Great! All that means is that I have to try to find her a pack that she can comfortably carry 25 pounds in for a couple of hours - without spending any money. So I dig out my old backpack from my trip to Europe twenty years ago, and - whaddya know? - the plastic piece that holds on the shoulder straps has rotted away. I spend at least an hour trying to rig the pack (a lost cause) and end up digging out a different, way-too-big pack and loading it down to see if she can carry it.

There goes my writing time. I'm not angry about it, especially since I was doing something for my daughter with the end goal of getting her out on the trail ... indeed I was quite happy to do it. But it's just one example of how my time gets taken up by unexpected do-it-right-nows.

I know we're all busy, and I know that many of us are stressed (I'm not, unless you start asking me about my parents), but lots of folks do a vastly better job than I do at organizing their lives. How do they do it? Are they born organized? Motivated? Naturally well rested? How do they get away from the day-to-day minutiae of life: the laundry, the dishes, the scrapes, the cat puke, and the kid-argument mediation?

Here's what we already have: a housekeeper that comes every other week (not that you can tell 24 hours after she leaves), a detailed schedule for the kids to follow every school day (not that they follow it without badgering), and an incredibly supportive husband who handles way more of his share (and who never complains) ... so I'm pretty sure the problem is me.

Here's exactly what I need: some advice, a plan, or words of wisdom that will help me get over my state of inertia so that I can be productive and relaxed. I have the goals, I have the desire, I have the means, I have the ideas of all the things I want to accomplish ... I just don't have the organization.

Thanks for letting me vent. If you have any words of wisdom, please let me know!

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy Great Expectations.

Saturday Quote for the Day

2009-10-03T22:41:00.005-05:00

"I was sitting in a giant bowl of virus soup."

--me, after leaving the waiting room of my doctor's office, where I was getting a recheck for bronchitis.

I felt like I needed one of those decontamination showers that they give to workers in nuclear reactors after being exposed to radiation.

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy Saturday Quote for the Day, August 22.

Photo of soup by newwavegurly from here

Viking Warriors ... or Aliens?

2009-10-02T21:43:00.004-05:00

I've decided that young boys don't much care if armor looks authentic, as long as their weapons are whackable.

Case in point ...

This is a picture of the only helmet ever found that is known to have come from the Viking age, unearthed from a burial mound. (Note the lack of Wagner-style horns.)

The world's only existing Viking Age helmet, from Gjermundbu in Ringerike

(from Kulturhistorisk Museum, Universitetet I Oslo)

From that, I attempted to make a helmet out of aluminum foil, duct tape, and copious amounts of red wine (hey, it was the middle of the night - cut me some slack).

Hand-to-hand combat.

You can see that, ahem, the kids' helmets didn't come out quite the way I envisioned them. They ended up looking more like alien heads than Viking helmets. But did the boys care? Not a whit.

Circling in for the kill.

They cared much more about their Viking axes - which, I must add, were based on actual axes - not some idea that came out of my kitchen drawer. After all, they were able to swing, smack, hit, and chop with them. Fortunately, the axe part was made out of posterboard (the kids got to decide if they wanted to have a "bronze" axe or "steel" one - the posterboard was silver on one side and gold on the other), so there were no decapitations or dismemberments. There was a little hot-glue repair required, however.

Which one will fall? Which one will succumb?

In my defense, I did actually present some educational information: English words from Old Norse, location of Scandinavia, examples of artwork, longboats, Greenland, blah, blah, blah.

Close combat.

In the end, all they cared about was the weapons. After all, the class is called Arms and Armor, right?

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If you enjoyed this post, you might like Maces, Chain Mail, and 4-Year-Old Knights.

The Check's in the Mail

2009-09-30T20:18:00.007-05:00

Some of our geography books.

It really is. In the mail, that is. The check. Along with our registration for the 2010 National Geographic Bee. Sent certified.

The folks at NatGeo are amazing. About 6,000,000 children compete in the Bee every year, from thousands of schools and homeschooling groups. The efforts to organize this thing must be phenomenal. I can't even imagine.

And do you know what those good folks did? They called me to make sure we were registering this year.

G studying with maps that H made.

Let me back up a bit. Austin Area Homeschoolers (actually yours truly, for the benefit of yours truly's oldest kid) has been the organizer for the Bee for homeschoolers in Austin for the last three years. NatGeo allows only one homeschooling Bee per city or town, probably to keep homeschoolers from having a bunch of small Bees in each city. So in Austin, we're it - at least we have been for the last three years.

This year, I needed to talk to someone at NatGeo before sending in our registration, and I hadn't gotten around to it yet. (I know ... shocker.) You can imagine my surprise when I picked up the phone and heard, "Hello, this is Erin from the National Geographic Bee."

It turns out that another homeschooling group in Austin had sent in their registration. I would have figured that it would be "First come, first served." I certainly wouldn't have expected that they would take the time to call.

I know it's not like one of them said, "Hey, here's a registration from a group in Austin that's not Austin Area Homeschoolers. Hmm. Maybe I should call Camille and see what's up." It's just that I think it's nice to have the personal touch occasionally, especially from such a huge organization. And it's awfully nice that they gave us the option of hosting, especially since they could have said, "You snooze, you lose."

Guess their mama raised them right.

G at last year's state bee.

So we're it once again. This year G wants to go all the way to Washington. Indeed, he wants to make Texas the first state to win the National Bee two years in a row. He has a tough road ahead of him, but I know he can do it if he continues to study the way he has been and has a smidgen of luck.

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy Geography Games and you might want to check out G's GeoBee study site, GeoBee Universe.

Following a Child's Wonder

2009-09-29T20:42:00.000-05:00

I'm a bit slow on the update sometimes.

When did you "rediscover" your sense of wonder at the world? If you're like most parents, your eyes began sparkling at new-fallen rain and your ears began ringing to the tunes of early morning birds awaking to the dawn. Perhaps you walked through the world hunched over, following your toddler around, noticing the yellow brilliance of the daisy and the pungence of freshly mown grass.

Then again, maybe you were like me. I spent those early years of toddlerhood mostly slogging through the days, grateful if I got a shower, if my kids ate something other than peanut butter on a spoon out of the jar, and if we were no more than thirty minutes late to playgroup. I was so busy surviving the challenges of a high-need preschooler while dragging along an unwitting toddler and newborn that the nuances of a sunset or the harmonic shades of an orchestra went entirely unnoticed.

I probably would have liked to have enjoyed them; I just didn't notice.

For me, my reawakening to the wonders of the world didn't come until my kids were old enough to start having real discussions - with me or each other. When they were mature enough to have their own opinions and debate their merits, well, that was when my brain really clicked in.

Wow!, I thought. These kids look at the world in an entirely different light! Where they see crimson or scarlet, I see red. Where they hear rain pattering or bacon frying, I hear static. Where they see rainbows and swirls, I see oil spots on the driveway.

Their creativity has opened by mind to vast possibilities I'd never before thought about. History interesting? You don't say! Geography useful and fascinating? Who would've known! Drama worthwhile? Couldn't have imagined it! Improv mind expanding? No kidding!

Now that my kids are older, my mind expands farther than I ever expected. I used to think that I loved to learn, but my kids have taught me otherwise - I only thought I did. Now I know what loving to learn means. In part, it means opening your mind enough to learn about things that you never thought you were interested in, and being thrilled to find that there was an entire world out there that you'd missed. It means admitting that you don't know much and letting others teach you - others who might not be otherwise seen as likely teachers. It means stretching your views to encompass more than what you believe, to perhaps have your mind changed by lively, enthusiastic, and sometimes even hot-headed debate.

These days my children are the leaders in so many things. I rarely consider myself a teacher. I'm more a facilitator or an enabler ... or a student.

And that's just fine with me.

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy What We Give Our Kids.

Photo by gamier20 from here

And "The Giving Tree" Goes to ...

2009-09-29T07:24:00.003-05:00

Victoria! Who doesn't need to go to the library for the book now. Hope you, Bean, and Miss O enjoy the book!

Thanks to everyone who entered, either through comments or off list!

Maces, Chain Mail, and 4-Year-Old Knights

2009-09-28T23:41:00.010-05:00

Last Friday's co-op class was great fun. We talked about the Middle Ages and knights, which lasted for all of about 6.5 minutes, which also seems to be the attention span of a group of seven boys between the ages of 4 and 7.

The first thing we did was try on chain mail and a full-size helmet, generously lent to us by another mom in the co-op.

T modeling the chain mail.

Next on the agenda was making maces. I'd thought about making flails, but the chain seemed too iffy, considering that young kids would be doing the work. One nice thing about these maces was that they were too delicate to whack. So the boys carried them reverently home instead of swinging them willy nilly out in the parking lot.

Our "authentic" mace. Looks pretty good, doesn't it? This one was made by a 6-year-old.

Here the maces stand (paint drying), like bizarre torturous flowers that Roald Dahl might find lining a lush green yard.

This class is turning out to be a hoot. Granted, we hang by our fingernails on the edge of mayhem just about every minute we're in there, but our fingernails are mighty strong. Actually, the first 3 or 4 minutes are pretty calm, when the kids pick out the country we're studying on the world map and tell me all about what they know about it. So that only leaves, say, 57 minutes or so of hot glue, duct tape, sticks, whacks, and scuffles. No problem.

Surprisingly, it's difficult to find a craft for weapon making for this age group. The craft needs to do 3 things: 1) be doable for 4-year-olds, 2) look reasonably authentic, and 3) be safe. You'd be amazed at how hard it is to come up with something that meets all those requirement that you can do in an hour.

S's turn to model the armor and helmet. Can ya dig that warrior grimace?

So, did you guess yet how the maces were made?

Candy corn, along with wooden dowels, styrofoam balls, and metallic paint. Pretty clever, huh?

Our not-so intimidating unpainted maces. Now these look like they were made by 4-year-olds!

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy Casualties: 1 ... and Counting.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

2009-09-27T22:51:00.003-05:00

Today I'm oh so grateful for running water. Recently our water pressure decreased drastically for a short while, and I was amazed at how nervous that made me. My parents live out in the Texas Hill Country, and they live off a spring. At the height of this year's drought, they were squeaking by on a trickle of water until it finally went dry for a few weeks, when they were living off of water stored in plastic jugs. The town a few miles away was being delivered water by truck.

Their water is running again, and their pump is working now, so all seems to be okay. They can shower, wash clothes, wash dishes, and make ice. It was tough for them for a stretch.

But it makes me hyperaware of how much we depend on water. Now every time I rinse my dishes I notice how much water runs into the drain. Every time I wash my hands I think of all that clean water that's wasted.

Every day I'm reminded of our dwindling water supply and how we need to preserve it. No great ideas here tonight, just gratitude for the recent rains and for indoor running water, available, hot or cold, at a moment's notice.

Photo of dripping water by naughty architect from here.

Friday Giveaway - The Giving Tree

2009-09-25T22:03:00.003-05:00

In honor of all the offers of help I received when my parents came into town unexpectedly with a medical crisis a couple of weeks ago, I'm giving away a copy of The Giving Tree.

Entry is a two-step process this time (I'm going to make you work for it):

1. Comment here or email me offlist at TheEclecticMom@gmail.com about whether you love or hate this book (or have no opinion at all), and

2. Tell one of your homeschooling friends or attachment parenting friends (or any other friends) to enter too!

(Obviously, I won't know if you've done #2 - oops, sorry, that sounds bad - so you're on the honor system.) I'll pick the winner by random drawing on Tuesday morning. Deadline is Monday at midnight CST.

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy Sunday's Gratitude Post from September 13.

Geography Games

2009-09-24T23:49:00.009-05:00

I frequently have people ask me how G studies for geography, and I never have a good answer. He uses tons of different resources - atlases, encyclopedias, online sources, books, audiobooks, videos, map work with Dad, and other resources - so there are far too many to list. (If you're really interested, you can look at our geography bee website, GeoBeeUniverse, to see an incomplete listing under "Resources.")

When they ask, I usually hem and haw and finally just shrug and smile. But one thing I tell them that we did a lot of early on was play games.

We have a number of online geography games listed on our "Fun Stuff" page on GeoBeeUniverse (one of G's favorites is Traveler IQ Challenge), but these are by no means all. There are tons of great options online; it just takes some digging to find the best.

I'll list a few of our favorite board games here.

Take Off!

Take Off! was a perennial favorite. We came back to this game again and again. The map (playing board) was beautiful and durable, and the kids loved the tiny little fleets of jets. One thing we all liked about it was that we could play cooperatively.

The Borderline games were some of our favorites.

Unfortunately, they seem to be discontinued in some places, but Rainbow Resource had Borderline World and Borderline Europe. We have USA and World and played them many, many times. One of the great things about this game(s) is that it's only a bit bigger than the size of a deck of cards, so it's portable. Perfect for tucking in your bag to pull out while waiting in line with cranky kids.

Geo Bee Challenge

This game we played some, but it wasn't one we came back to as often as Borderline.

A couple of geography games that we have heard are fun but don't own:

Scrambled States

Map Tangle

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If you enjoyed this post, you might like Cooperative Games.

A good day

2009-09-23T22:22:00.005-05:00

Today was one of my favorite types of homeschooling days. We didn't have to be anywhere until late afternoon, and we spent the morning doing our own thing and coming together after lunch for some group work.

We laughed through my off-the-cuff writing/editing lesson, where my kids fixed my "crappiest story of all time, Mom." I can't imagine why they said that. Here, I reproduce for you my story in its entirety. I'm sure you'll agree it's prize-winning material:

bob wanted to spend the day at the beach on his vacation so he loaded up his station waggon and drove down to the beach at the end of island where there was a nice sandy quiet beach with alot of nice white sand once he was there he set up his umbrela and chair and cooler and decided to swim so he went into the water and started swimming because he thought it would be nice to have a swim he went out as deep as his knees and then thought that would be a nice place to start swimming he started swimming and saw that a big shark was heading his way he got very upset when the shark started swimming his way and then bit his legs off he got even more upset when the shark bit off both his arms bob then realized that he couuldnt swim any more he was upset when he realized that he wouldnt be able to swim back to shoar this incident made him realize that he was appropriattly named since he was bobbing in the water bob was so boring and tasteles that the shark vomited up bobs arms and legs where bob was surprised to see that they magicly reattached themselves the end

Okay, so maybe it's not great. Maybe it's not even good. Okay, okay, it stinks. That's the point. They're supposed to make it into something decent, even if the finished product doesn't approach greatness. Unfortunately, I'd made the story so very bad, so horrible, so completely without merit that we ran out of time fixing it. Poor bobbing Bob will have to wait another day to have his story written in gripping prose.

Next on the agenda was reading together. Today we read in Discover magazine"20 Things You Didn't Know about Eclipses." The 20 Things article, found at the back of every magazine, is a favorite read-aloud of ours. The highlight of today's article was when we were talking about symmetry, and S misheard me and said that symmetry was this place where people were laid out in rows after they'd died. Huh? It took me two beats to realize that she was talking about a cemetery. We rolled on the floor laughing about that one for at least five minutes.

But the best part of the day was one of those in-person learning experiences. Those are the best kinds, because the kids see the learning in real life, rather than just reading it in a book or seeing it in an educational video.

The display in my friend's beautiful house. It was splendid.

Today we visited the home of my gracious friend, R, who invited us to visit for Navaratri, a special festival in India - nine nights and ten days of celebration and dancing. (We were only there for an hour of it.) Our mutual friend, Deepa, sang traditional songs in the most beautiful, melodious voice. The entire house - adults and children alike - were entranced. The kids came home talking about the dolls that were displayed, the delectable food that R cooked, and the rich culture of India. She even gave me dinner - home-cooked Indian food, no less - to give to H.

G talked about how India was one of his favorite countries to study because of its incredible history and culture.

What was S's favorite thing? Well, the adorable little wooden elephant that was our gift from R, of course. It's now gracing the lock on the back door.

S's favorite part of our day.

Thank you, my friends, for making our day so special.

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If you enjoyed this post, you might like Dangerous Books.

Casualties: 1 ... and Counting

2009-09-22T23:31:00.005-05:00

Boys dueling with their "shinai"

I'm a bit late in posting this, but it was too good to ignore. Two Fridays ago was the first week of our weekly cooperative, cleverly called "Friday Co-op," because, well, it's on Fridays. This semester I'm responsible for seven - yes, seven - 4 to 7 year old boys.

In a class called "Arms & Armor."

About weapons.

Weapons they make.

Weapons they beat each other up with.

Yes, you read that right. A class of seven boys, all between the ages of 4 and 7, all geared up to learn about and make weapons for the sole purpose of whacking each other with them. My challenge (let's just go ahead and call it Mission Impossible, shall we?) is to provide these little bundles of destructive energy with a safe learning experience, with the emphasis on safe and a side helping of learning.

To say that it's challenging to find a way to come up with a craft to make a replica of an ancient weapon that's possible for a 4 year old to make, that looks reasonably close, and that's safe is, well, challenging. Ha.

Gearing up to whack someone.

So the first week we visited Japan, talked about Kendo, made shinai (which you see in use here), made shurikens, and talked a bit about the samurai. And only one kid got injured. One out of seven. Pretty good, I'd say.

The boys showing off their handwork.

Last week we did blowdart guns and warrior shields from Borneo, and we talked a bit about the island and its indigenous people, but unfortunately I forgot my camera so didn't get pictures. No one got injured, and only one kid had a hysterical breakdown. Again, pretty good.

This week I'm planning on a quick jaunt to medieval Europe, with plans to make a mace (not to be confused with a flail) and a breastplate. One of our remarkable moms at Co-op lent me her chainmail to show the kids. It's amazing.

I'll post pictures of that after this Friday's class and give a casualty count. Stay tuned.

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy Gearing up for School.

I Was Right ... It IS a Conspiracy!

2009-09-21T20:41:00.006-05:00

It's happened again ...

I don't know what went wrong. Was it because I left the door open between the laundry room and the kitchen? Was it because the refrigerator is in the same room as the microwave - within talking distance? Or maybe it's that the appliances are all texting each other or having conversations on their cell phones, much like this New York oven.

Whatever the reason, I know this to be true: they're all in cahoots. Today our microwave bit the dust.

At this rate, we'll have every household appliance replaced by next summer. Aargh.

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If you enjoyed this post, you might like The Great Machine Uprising.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

2009-09-20T22:36:00.001-05:00

Tonight I'm grateful to be in my own home with my family. I'm grateful that my parents are back in their own home, under the temporary care of my middle sister. I'm grateful that my mom's doctors figured out her pacemaker problem and (hopefully) got it solved. I'm grateful that, for a brief time at least, my father knew me and played with my children. I'll be grateful for that for as long as it lasts.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

2009-09-13T23:54:00.004-05:00

Today I'm grateful for lots of things. My father's laugh. My mother's voice. My friends' kindnesses.

My mom was back in the emergency room last Thursday for yet another heart issue. Again, our world was turned upside down. I spent a night without sleep with my mother in the ER waiting for test results, speaking reassuring words, and hoping for the best.

The next morning was the first day of our Friday Co-op, which the kids have been looking forward to all summer. I was a wreck, but our homeschooling friends were supportive and helpful, and I even had one of them bring us dinner that night. I've had so many friends offer such an immeasurable amount of help that it truly astounds me.

One of the joys of the last few days was the time I've spent with my dad. Although he's slipping slowly into the well of dementia, he still is himself in many ways and still is joyful. The kids have always enjoyed his humor, giving him the nickname of The Teaser many years ago. It warmed my heart to see them still have fun with him.

Saturday Quote for the Day

2009-09-12T13:13:00.001-05:00

"I'm going to beat you when we get home."

--Me, threatening my kids (in jest) to make sure they "behaved" at this week's API meeting

"At what?"

--G, spoken like a truely attached kid, who doesn't even get threats of physical violence. How am I supposed to exert my momly power when my kids aren't even intimidated?

Obama Stole It from Me

2009-09-09T21:57:00.004-05:00

I have to admit that over the Labor Day weekend, I was pretty much in a hole. A nice, warm, cozy hole that I didn't want to emerge from.

That may be why I didn't read any of the pre-speech details regarding Obama's speech yesterday. Oh, I was aware that people were up in arms about it, worrying that brainwashing tentacles were going to emerge from the television set and wrap their sucker tips around the neurons of any unsuspecting school-age humans who happened to be watching. Honestly, I didn't know enough about the speech to know if it was going to be political or not. Frankly, I didn't care too much, since I don't have much in the way of political leanings.

But I did think it would be useful to have the kids watch the speech, mostly because it was a hot topic and because it was given by our president. Much in the same way that I'll have them watch at least some of tonight's speech. It's all part of our homeschooling curriculum (if what we do can be called a curriculum).

So I was pleased when we all gathered around the television today (after hours of struggling with getting the damned computer hooked up to go through the screen) to watch the few minutes of speech.

Know why I was pleased? Because Obama gave the same speech that I give on a regular basis, in slightly different wording. It goes something like this:

"Smarts aren't enough. Hard work matters more than talent. Sometimes work isn't fun. Failure leads to success. Joy, confidence, happiness, and satisfaction come from success in life."

Okay, so he elaborated a bit. My hope is that my kids will listen to him much more than they listen to me, especially when it comes to the motivation factor. S kept looking at me throughout the speech, with a look that said, "Where have I heard that before?"

I'm just glad that they heard someone else they respect saying the same sorts of things that I've said in the past. It always helps when my kids learn from more than one source, especially a source other than Mom occasionally, and from someone who's at the top of the heap.

And maybe some of it will stick.

The Creativity of Children

2009-09-08T13:01:00.000-05:00

My post today is today's blog post on API Speaks, Attachment Parenting International's blog.

I’m always amazed at the creativity of children ... which happens, frequently, in spite of my best efforts. Let me explain.

Sometimes I’m just too helpful for everyone’s own good. On those occasions when we have small day-to-day hurdles, my first inclination is to make everything better. Over the years, however, I’ve learned that the best solutions to these little life strifes is to let the kids work things out for themselves, with as much guidance as is needed, but only as much.

Like everyone else, I work to maintain family harmony. But when we have these little obstacles--and yes, we do have them (shocker!)--I try to remember that these opportunities allow my children’s stunning ingenuity to shine through. They remind me that if I just close my mouth and listen to what my children have to say, they’ll frequently astound me with their creativity.

Their ideas are fresh and honest and not shackled by memories of failures and expectations of future success. I find that I, by contrast, am hampered by constraints in my adult thinking, and if I simply let them brainstorm--and get the heck out of their way--the results are frequently startling and spectacular.

Case in point ...

Here in Texas we have a tax-free shopping weekend just before public school starts. I try to save up my shopping for the year and do it all in this weekend to take advantage of the sales that go along with it. Like many other people this year, we’ve been watching our pennies and stretching them as far as they’ll go without snapping.

This year’s shopping trip was pretty slim, since I was buying only essentials. Unfortunately, the hand-me-downs my 11-year-old daughter has thrived on in the past have run out, and she’s been inconsiderate enough to grow quickly, so she needed just about every item of clothing possible. We ended up buying just enough to get by, expecting that she’ll soon have outgrown these clothes too. Every choice she and I made was chosen with care and an eye to function and cost.

So imagine my dismay when, after spending a full day battling the shopping mobs (not something I do with gusto on the best day) and watching our bank account whittle down to token numbers, I found crumpled, discarded, and wadded up items of brand-new clothing scattered across the house.

(As an aside, I totally “get” that. I have fond memories of coming home after a similar shopping trip at a similar age and trying on every single item we’d purchased and leaving them strewn across my bed and floor - and of course, my mom getting mad. Sigh.)

You might think my first reaction was to talk calmly with my daughter about the importance of taking care of her new things, after which she immediately thanked me for my insight and proceeded to hang up her clothing with loving care and a skip in her step.

Um, no.

Instead, I started to fly off the handle--after all, we’d had this conversation a million times before, but it hadn’t stuck yet--and she began to get angry and dig in her heels. Well, I’d been down the Low Road of arguing before, and I didn’t much relish yet another journey. I stepped back, breathed, and asked her if she’d be willing to brainstorm with me. She was willing but a bit wary, since I have to fight my natural inclination to "solve" problems and make things cheery. She’s known me long enough to know that once in a great while I lose that battle and I force everybody to kiss and make up. (Hey, I’m not perfect.)

I laid out the reasons why I was angry--that I felt like my time and our money weren’t valued and thus, by default, that her dad and I weren't being respected--and asked her if those reasons made sense to her. Then I shut up. Really hard for me. Excruciating. I had all sorts of witty quips and clever solutions that I wanted to pronounce, proclaiming my mom-ish mastery of handling all things problematic.

But I shut up. She went away, ostensibly to think about it. Bad Mom figured she was simply avoiding the issue. I grumbled to myself and inwardly fumed, and Good Mom won out and vowed to give her some space. I was Keeping My Cool. Harrumph.

A bit later--not too much later--she came back. "Mom, I was thinking about it, and I have an idea of what I can do about the clothes."

Well, my mind went wild. I gleefully ran through all the ideas that I’d come up with, wondering which one of my clever solutions she’d arrived at on her own. Would it be to earn money in the future to pay for any new clothes herself? Would it be to simply offer a heartfelt apology, with the promise that she’d take better care in the future, and offer to do something for me in return? Could she ... no she couldn’t possibly ... suggest that I return the clothes--though that option had entered my mind too, as in "That’ll teach you!"

No, she was more clever than I.

"I think that what I’d like to do is buy the clothes back from you out of my allowance. That way I’ll appreciate them more."

Uh. Wow. Okay.

"Wow, honey. That sounds like a good idea," I said, pushing my lower jaw up with my hand, silently tallying up the amount she had in her allowance and realizing that she didn’t have anywhere near enough to cover it.

“Maybe I can earn extra money to pay for them over time.”

My thoughts whirled while my tongue twisted. Before she gave me her idea, I had envisioned all the finagling and compromising that would happen for us to come up with some sort of solution that would be agreeable to both of us. I remembered all the times that I’d proposed remarkably excellent strategies for working through problems, which often ... um ... shall we say ... fell flat with a resounding thud.

: My daughter, studying.

Then I remembered all the varied solutions that did work with my kids. Invariably, those solutions were ones that the kids came up with themselves. The reason they worked was, for the most part, because the kids were invested in the solution. They weren’t being encouraged (read forced) to go along with something that someone else had instigated.

I’ve learned over the years that this seems to be the case in just about every aspect of our lives. If we have a problem--whether it’s two kids arguing over a book they want to listen to in the car or the whole family deciding if we want to go to visit grandparents over the weekend--the solutions that work the best are the ones that everyone feels that they’ve contributed to. If any of the kids think that they didn’t have a say in the decision, they’re much less inclined to be invested in the success of that decision.

How, you might ask, does this relate to attachment parenting? Think of the underlying theme behind each of the 8 Principles. What is it? Respect. Respect for our children as individuals--people whose opinions matter as much as ours, whose ideas are as clever as ours, and who want to be heard and respected just as much as we do.

When we were kids we didn’t like it when a parent, teacher, or other adult made global decisions that affected us without our input. Heck, we still don’t like it! But when we were young and small it was even harder, because the world around us told us in so many ways that we had no power. By giving our kids power over their environment, letting them come up with their solutions to their problems, seeing if those solutions actually work in the long term, and treating our children as individuals who deserve respect just as much as we do, we not only can alleviate some of the problems that arise but also help them to prepare to be thinking adults that are in charge of their lives.

So on my Good Mom days, I remember my own advice and sit back and zip my lips. As much as possible, I let my kids come up with their own ideas, which are frequently great, and we all reap the rewards.

As I’ve said before, some of my best parenting moments are when I’ve shut my mouth and listened. Not sure what that says about me, but who cares? It works!

So the clothes sit in my drawer waiting to be purchased, and my daughter visits them occasionally. Two of them have been retrieved, and the others are waiting patiently their turn. It’ll happen, and it’ll be without coercion, bribery, or threats. And that’s awfully nice.

: The new-clothes drawer

________________

If you enjoyed this post, you might like Does Attachment Parenting Really Work?

My First API Meeting Tomorrow

2009-09-07T20:56:00.006-05:00

I'm not a joiner.

That may sound odd, considering I'm on about forty online groups and am the moderator or owner of half a dozen or so.

But when it comes to actually rounding up the kids, preparing everybody for time out of the house, getting in the car, and showing up some place on time - you know, meeting people in person - I'm woefully deficient. If you need some volunteer sweat, I'm your girl. Give me a computer with some menial tasks that need doing and I'm all set.

But ask me to be somewhere in the flesh ... well, that's harder for me. I'm not sure why ... I enjoy being around people and I like getting to know people in real life that I've met only virtually. Who knows? Maybe it's just that I'm a bit of a loner by nature and I march to my own drumbeat (that's one of the big reasons we homeschool - I can't stomach the idea of being on the school's schedule).

No matter, tomorrow is the first day that I'll attend an Attachment Parenting International meeting as a guest instead of a speaker. I've applied to be a leader, so it just makes sense that I actually start attending the meetings. Sorry you can't see my blush through the computer screen.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Sunday's Gratitude Post

2009-09-06T23:56:00.003-05:00

Today I'm grateful for comical stereotypes. Yes, I realize that seems a bit odd to be grateful for. But just watch this goofy video and you'll see what I mean. These stereotypes were enough to make me laugh out loud, and I needed a laugh!

Come to think of it, I wonder where those stereotypes actually come from.... I mean, I know lots of homeschoolers, and not one of them looks anything like this. Too funny.

The one comment I can make about this video is, thank God it's a joke!

Saturday Quote for the Day

2009-09-05T23:56:00.000-05:00

"Just you and me now, Mom."

--spoken by T this evening

H and G are gone on a camping/hiking trip, preparing for their big hiking trip on the Appalachian Trail, and S is off at a sleepover birthday party.

I don't ever recall a night with just the two of us at home. It's great to have that one-on-one time, which is rare enough to be virtually non-existent.

Pioneer Girls

2009-09-04T22:04:00.005-05:00

Today, in celebration of the high temperature staying under 100 degrees, S and three of her friends (along with my grumbling boys) headed out to Jourdan-Bachman Pioneer Farms, a living history museum of life in the 1800s. Today the kids got to see a working blacksmith, replicas of Tonkawa shelters, and outhouses, among other less interesting things.

My favorite part of the day was being surrounded by homeschoolers I'd never met. Who knew there were so many homeschoolers running around? I thought I'd met just about everyone, but I guess I was wrong!

The kids at the Tonkawa site.

Right behind them is Walnut Creek.

Pumping water.

Apparently, it takes all four.

In the cotton field.

Man, how did the slaves do it?

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If you enjoyed this post, you might like Last Stop ... Terra Cotta Warriors.

Dangerous Books

2009-09-03T23:27:00.000-05:00

Wendy's comment on my post yesterday on cooperative games got me thinking about some of our favorite books. These four books not only were big hits with the kids (meaning they sat down and read them and used them) but they also were my texts for a co-op class I taught a while back.

They're "must haves" for every homeschooler.

The Dangerous Book for Boys

This is simply a great book. In our co-op class of the same name, we made bows and arrows, go-carts, water bombs, secret inks, and lots more "boy stuff." And the girls liked it too, of course. That was the biggest class in the history of our co-op, if I'm not mistaken, and it was great fun.

The Daring Book for Girls

Another simply great book. Along the same lines as Dangerous Book, this one has lots of similar - but different - projects, not all girly. We made cootie-catchers, friendship bracelets, and god's eyes; we played tag and jump rope; and we made bandanas and saris.

How To Be The Best At Everything (The Boys' Book)

How To Be The Best At Everything (The Girls' Book)

These two books are great too and are in the same vein as the Dangerous and Daring books.

There is a bit of overlap between the books, but not enough to worry about. The Best at Everything books are smaller and more portable, but the Dangerous and Daring books have great illustrations.

These days they have lots of other extensions of these books, but we've definitely gotten our money's worth out of these four.

________________

If you enjoyed this post, you might like Lazy Dazy Summer.

Cooperative Games

2009-09-02T23:08:00.006-05:00

Last night, while I was making dinner, my children coerced H into playing a game with them. That’s not an easy task, and I was impressed by their guile. The game of the evening was Cranium, which is a long-time favorite in our house, although for whatever reason it doesn’t get pulled out too often.

That got me to thinking about other games that my kids have enjoyed and even (don't tell!) learned something from.

We tend to play games in a cooperative manner when possible, not because I insist, but because the kids like to collaborate on solutions. The games I list here easily translate into cooperative games, by playing with cards showing or by having everyone contribute to a solution. I have lots more, but I think I’ll start with these.

Labyrinth

This is a fantastic game and one that my kids played to death. I still think it’s a great game, even after hours of playing it (and that’s saying something!). One of my favorite stories regarding this game happened a number of years ago. The game involves a set of tiles with pathways on them, and the tiles get shifted each turn. On each turn, a player’s goal is to make his/her way to an object following a pathway on the tiles. But since the tiles shift, you have to reevaluate the board every turn. I remember staring at the board for minutes on end, ploddingly following tile after tile to find a viable path, when G walked over, looked at the board for approximately 6.5 seconds, and said, "Oh, all you have to do is go here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, and then you can get to the bag of gold." Gee, it was so obvious. Why didn’t I see it?

Take Off!

This creative game is a fun and painless way to learn world geography. Because of G’s interest in geography, we ended up with a lot of geography games, and this one was one of the most ingenious. The goal is to get your fleet of jets to circle the globe (actually a long map) before anyone else’s fleet. Each country has a selection of paths that your jet can fly, and the roll of the dice determines what paths you can take. This game is great because it allows everyone to give input into the best route, but the winner is largely determined by chance (a must if you have children of different ages and abilities playing). Just about any age can play this game with the help of an adult, because so much of it is spacial. It was one of the games that showed my kids that they were way better than me in the knowledge-of-geography department. (Well, that’s not that hard, actually.)

Secret Door

This is a simple little game targeted to young children. It’s a cooperative game by nature, and it’s surprisingly engaging. I figured my kids would lose interest in it after a few plays, but they played it on and off for years. It’s basically Concentration, but with a twist. The kids’ goal is to figure out what’s behind the Secret Door without running out of time first. One of the nice things about it is that it’s frequently winnable, but the kids lose often enough to keep it challenging. That balance is a hard line to walk, which most games for young children aren’t able to manage and thus end up boring.

Games play a big role in our homeschooling, so I'll try to do better at posting some of our favorites over time. Stay tuned.

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If you enjoyed this post, you might like The Joys of Older Kids.

Anno's Mysterious Multiplying Jar

2009-09-01T21:52:00.004-05:00

This skinny book, Anno's Mysterious Multiplying Jar, is deceptive. It looks like a little-kid book, but it holds a wealth of information. From these 44 pages, my kids learned and understood - in 15 minutes - the basic concept of factorials. It held all three of my children enthralled ... even the oldest, who at the time was 12, and the youngest, who was 8.

The illustrations are luxurious, and the author has a way of explaining math. Anno's books are a delight for the eye and the brain, and if you can find them (many are out of print and sell for big bucks) - any of them - buy them!

_____________

If you liked this post, you might enjoy "Running the Numbers"

Drumroll, please ...

2009-09-01T14:55:00.005-05:00

And the winner is ...

... lucky #7: Jennifer Mauck!

True Random Number GeneratorMin: Max: Result:7Powered by RANDOM.ORG

I'll email you off list, Jennifer, with instructions on claiming your free t-shirt. Congratulations!

And the Beat Rolls On ...

2009-08-31T21:17:00.005-05:00

Thanks so much to my wonderful virtual friend Era, for passing along the Kreativ Blogger award to me. Era is such an insightful and witty blogger; I'm honored. (Maybe now that you're in my neck of the woods, Era, we can actually meet in person.)

So now I must pass along the award! That, of course, is the nicest thing about receiving an award - recognizing those others who put their heart and soul out there for all the world to see.

So here goes ...

To Victoria at Hanging by a Nerve ..., for her honest, no-nonsense, and sometimes poignant outlook. As she says, she doesn't sugarcoat things. "If you want duckies and bunnies, move along." Love that.

To Desiree at So Fawned, for energy and her obvious attachment to her effervescent daughter, rare for a mother so young. We need more young moms like Desiree! (I'm not sure how often she reads my blog, so she may never see this.)

*******

On another note, I am remiss in tagging someone for the "7 Reasons I Am Awesome" list. Perhaps it was such a harrowing personal experience that I hesitated to thrust that torture on someone else.

If you're not sure what I'm talking about, see this post.

But if you thought you were off the hook, Hannah, think again. Ha ha, you're it!

I tagged Hannah, who posts at A Quiet Spot, because I'm truly interested in reading her list. She has such a long list of awesomeness, it'll be interesting to see what she chooses.

Reminder: Enter to win a t-shirt!

2009-08-31T08:10:00.000-05:00

Today's the last day to enter to win a free homeschooling t-shirt! To get the rules, click on Thursday's post. The drawing will happen tomorrow morning.

Good luck!

Sunday's Gratitude Post

2009-08-30T18:48:00.004-05:00

Boys. NICUs. Red-heads. High-energy kids. Micro-preemies.

Now teenagers.

Amazing how something so tiny can change your life

so drastically, so brilliantly.

G came into our lives 14 weeks early at 2 lbs, 5 oz.

Due in December, born in August.

The doctors allowed us to lay one finger on him

before they wheeled him into the NICU.

We could only touch him softly, for fear of his skin tearing.

We could see his heart beating beneath his skin.

All five of his fingers could fit inside my size-4 wedding ring.

This is the first day we got to hold him, on Day 7.

I sat holding my little kangaroo for hours at a time, day in and day out.

I watched other parents come and go,

but one of us was always there with our baby.

He burned with fierce determination and tenacity from the very beginning,

a trait that kept him alive then and that continues to serve him well today.

They called him "The Miracle Baby."

Never on a respirator, never on nasal prongs.

He nursed when only 30 weeks, remarkably early.

He was just tiny and needed to grow.

At 34 weeks, still 6 weeks premature, he came home -

eyes wide with wonder.

He continued to amaze us, reading at 18 months.

Here, at 11 months, he's picking out letters from the headlines

while having his cup of joe.

He wholeheartedly welcomed his little sister

when she came along a year and a half later.

They were best buddies - and still are (well, most of the time) -

along with their younger brother.

At two, he hadn't said "Mama" yet.

We wondered if he would ever speak.

But he would sit on the couch with us and read literally for hours at a stretch.

We were heartened by that affinity for words, which alleviated our fears.

At 3, he not only said, "Mama," but also just about anything else he wanted.

With great gusto. Often, and vociferously.

Always driven to succeed, he earned his Black Belt at age 10.

Again, his perseverance rose to the surface.

Still reaching for his goals, he attended the State-level

National Geography Bee for the second time this year.

Next year, he hopes to make it to Nationals, a dream he's had since he was 10.

He studies geography several hours a day.

Soccer, a past love of his.

On to bigger and better things now.

Finally, after playing for six years, he and his team won State.

Great to go out on a high note.

Now, a teenager.

Wow, where did the time go?

How do you adequately say you're grateful for something

that so radically changed your life that your entire being,

your complete world picture,

indeed the very physiology of your brain is changed forever?

For someone for whom you would willingly live for eternity,

die in an instant, and do it all over again?

This parenting gig is shaping me in ways I never imagined.

My children have taught me more than any school,

have guided me more than any teacher, and filled me more than any religion.

Once again, my life is changed, now that I'm the mother of a teenager.

The path before me is clearer than I ever imagined.

I just hope that I can walk it with the integrity and respect that my new teenager,

my daughter, my preteen son, and my dear husband deserve.

I'm grateful.

Happy Birthday, G.

_________________

If you liked this post, you might enjoy Does Attachment Parenting Really Work?

Yippee! A Homeschooling T-Shirt Giveaway!!!

2009-08-27T06:00:00.006-05:00

The oh-so-great folks at Great Homeschool T-Shirts have generously offered to give one lucky winner a homeschooling t-shirt of their choosing! Yippee!

I recently ordered four t-shirts for my kids and me, and they look terrific. So terrific that I wrote the company to see if they would be willing to give one of my readers a t-shirt, since I loved our shirts so much.

T got this one:

"Beware! I'm an unsocialized homeschooler!"

S and G got this one (in different colors):

"Warning: Unsocialized homeschooler ...

Interact or communicate at your own risk!"

And I got this one: "Warning: Parent of an

unsocialized homeschooler"

So, here are the rules. You can enter by doing one of the following:

1. Add a comment to this post, telling me one thing that you love or hate about homeschooling - or spill an embarrassing story. :) You must be a homeschooler yourself to use this option.

2. Subscribe to my blog by following it or subscribing to my

blog's feed (and letting me know in your comment that you did so).

3. Send me a (nice, please!) comment off list to

TheEclecticMom@gmail.com. (Nasty comments won't count.)

The drawing will be held Monday, the 31st, so get your entries in! I'll use a random number generator to pick the winner, based on the order in which I receive the comments.

In the meantime, take a look at the great t-shirts at

Great Homeschool T-Shirts. They're having a terrific sale -

ALL t-shirts are only $5.99! Can't beat that! They also sell

tote bags and bumper stickers. Oh! The sale ends September

10th, so hurry.

BTW, I don't have any connection to their company. I'm just appreciative of a company that offers secular options of homeschooling t-shirts, although they have plenty of religious options too.

Getting off the Low Road

2009-08-26T23:57:00.002-05:00

The Low Road ... the muck, the mire, the warm and sticky Low Road. We've all been there - whether we admit it or not - getting ourselves stuck in a situation with our children where we've said something or done something out of anger or frustration that we regret.

How do we repair our relationship with our child?

Oh, wait. You're surprised? Did you believe the myth that parents who follow attachment parenting are always patient and cheerful? That they happily follow their children from task to task, with a warm and positive attitude, always accommodating and unflappable? Yeah, right.

Maybe the books make it seem so. Maybe other AP parents make it seem so. I've heard lots of parents be turned off of attachment parenting because they think they're not "AP enough." What a shame!

Let's face it. We all have strengths, and we all have weaknesses. AP parents are not so different from mainstream parents ... we lose our temper, we get snappy, we clench our fists and sometimes - ugh - even yell. For some, any or all of these things happen rarely. For others of us - and well, uh, let's just say that I definitely count myself among these - they happen just a tad bit more than we'd like. Like every day. Like every hour. Or wait, maybe that's just in my head.

I'm not saying that walking the Low Road is okay or that it's appropriate. It's just, well, normal ... at least at times.

And here's a news flash to all the new AP parents out there: every one of those "together," laid-back, calm, and nurturing AP moms that you meet, even those who are legendary among AP circles for their wisdom and BTDT advice ... they've all walked the Low Road. Some have worn ruts in it up to their knees.

But ... and here's the key ... they've survived with their relationship with their children in tact.

How?

There are some simple rules that I follow to get me get off the Low Road and back onto high ground.

First, step away and remove yourself from the trigger. When I've done or said something I regret (like when I've flown off the handle after the 167th time in the last week that I've found the bread sitting out and getting stale), the first thing I do is walk away. I know myself well enough to know that sometimes that feeling of anger - that heat of the moment - feels good (yes, I said it, and most moms won't admit to it). I finally admitted this after years of talking with my oldest about his rages; he told me that it felt powerful to him to be in a rage state, and that confession clicked with me. Not the proudest thing to admit, but once I realized that, it made it easier to remove myself from a place of anger.

Second, when somewhat calmed, apologize. You'll be simply amazed at the power of the words, "I'm sorry." If you think that anger makes you feel powerful, think again. There are few things more powerful than opening yourself up to someone you love, showing your vulnerability, admitting your mistakes, and knowing that they'll forgive you and love you for who you are, not who you want to be. What's more, that apology sets an example, "allowing" your children to be imperfect and lovable in all their imperfections - and allowing them to apologize in the future, even when it's hard.

Third, explain. This goes hand in hand with apologizing. Your kids are probably relieved to see that you've calmed down and apologized, but they still may be wondering what was going on. What was going through your mind? A heartfelt explanation will help them make sense of the confrontation. "I'm so sorry that I blew my stack. I just get angry when yet another loaf of bread ends up stale because it got left out on the table. I shouldn't have yelled, and I apologize."

Fourth, listen. This is crucial. This is your big chance to hear what your kids really think, to see inside their hearts, and to learn their feelings. If you hear, "Why should I put away the bread, when you leave your clothes all over the floor?" then you know that there's a deeper issue than just forgetfulness. If you hear, "I'm sorry I left the bread out. I just forgot again." Then you know your child is trusting you with his honesty.

Listening is my most useful parenting strategy. I can't tell you how many times I've learned things I never would have imagined just by shutting up. On many occasions, what I thought was the real issue wasn't, and if I'd continued my "solution" to the problem, I never would have gotten to the heart of the issue. In my mind, I have to just zip my lips closed and swallow all those helpful retorts. It works wonders. I talked about this a bit in yesterday's post.

When you find yourself on one of those (hopefully few) journeys slogging down the Low Road, know that you can repair your relationship with your child. Admit you're human and thus imperfect, talk with your children, and move on. The only thing you don't want to do is ignore it. Your children will remember your effort at repair, or they'll remember your lack of effort. Which do you want remembered?

___________________

This post is part of the Attachment Parenting Month blog carnival, hosted by Attachment Parenting International. Learn more about how you can stay “Attached at the Heart Through the Years” by visiting API Speaks, the blog of Attachment Parenting International.

If you liked this post, you might enjoy What I've Learned As a Parent ...

Thanks to Alyssa for the idea for this post!

Photo by aussiegall from here

Ack! I've been tagged!

2009-08-25T23:15:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged.

Oh god, I've been tagged.

"Be strong!" my darling daughter says, hugging, then kissing me on top of my head (and then punching me in the arm while growling).

Era, my virtual friend (and after this, I use the term loosely) tagged me to make a list of "7 Reasons I Am Awesome." That was a month ago, and I've been putting it off. So let's just get this thing over with.

First, my kids' list of "7 Reasons I Am Awesome" ...

1. I have awesome kids.

2. I have an awesome cup that says, "You can't scare me. I have kids." and a give-away Star Trek glass.

3. I homeschool 3 awesome kids.

4. I'm an awesome multi-tasker: I empty the dishwasher and talk on the phone at the same time.

5. I have an awesome nickname, "Mama-Girl."

6. I hold the awesome family title of "Gross-Out Queen."

7. I play awesome games, like chase the kids, hit like a girl, the arthritic dumb giant, let's scare G, and calling the cat.

Now, for my own, not nearly so entertaining list ...

1. I'm imperfect. I'll gladly admit it to anyone who's dumb enough to stand still and listen. You might argue that that's not a reason to be "awesome," but I beg to differ. I see myself as a shining example of what not to do. Besides, who wants a perfect parent? Think of the pressure!

2. I apologize. Frequently. I make lots of mistakes, including how I parent, and I've gotten really good at apologizing. Again, I see that as setting a glorious example for my kids. Apologizing gracefully is an art, one that I've had plenty of opportunity to perfect. In all seriousness, I'm constantly amazed at how far a heart-felt apology will go when I've done something I regret. My kids are refreshingly forgiving.

3. I listen. Some of my best and most effective parenting moments have been those in which I haven't uttered a word. I'm not quite sure what that says about me, but I do feel that quite a few arguments happen because someone just wants to be heard. I truly try to listen to what my kids have to say. That's been the number one method - by far - of working out problems and disagreements around here.

4. I love to learn and try new things. That's one big reason why we homeschool. I absolutely relish learning something new right alongside my kids, whether it's through reading out loud together, traveling someplace cool, or sitting together while watching and discussing an educational video. I learn so much from - and with - my kids!

5. Closely related to #4, I'm creative and I don't mind getting my hands dirty. I have no problem with letting the kids build a Rube Goldberg machine that spans two stories of the house, scrounge scrap lumber from the garage to build a catapult, or drag out fabric, yarn, and tape to hold an egg-drop contest. I enjoy building, sewing, creating, and inventing (just not cooking). Sometimes these projects stay out for days (or weeks), but this is a kid-friendly house and I don't aspire to be in Architectural Digest.

6. I love being silly and laughing. You'll frequently find me chasing, joking, and just plain playing with the kids. Anything to get a laugh. I didn't win the title "Gross-Out Queen" for nothin'!

7. I love my family with a fire that's frightening. Woe be it to the poor soul who tries to harm one of my children (even if it's another one of my children) - the Mama Bear rages with ferocity. (I guess that's the other meaning of awesome: inspiring awe). I'm fiercely loyal to my children and my husband. There's no place I'd rather be on this earth than surrounded by them. I adore each one of them individually.

All in all, if I'm at all awesome, it's because I'm surrounded by love and joy - and people who allow me to be who I am.

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy What We Give Our Kids.

NOT Back to School Party!

2009-08-24T21:27:00.003-05:00

While virtually every other child in the state was waking to alarm clocks, scrambling around for their lunchboxes and backpacks, swallowing the butterflies that come with the first day of school, and worrying about their new teachers and old friends, this is what we were doing ...

The annual NBTSP (Not Back To School Party) - my kids are in there somewhere.

And tonight, they're all having sleepovers with friends, because it's not a school night.

As much as they are happy not to have to sit in a classroom, I'm even happier!

Sunday's Gratitude Post

2009-08-23T23:22:00.005-05:00

Six Flags Fiesta Texas. Need I say more?

Boomerang, an extreme coaster that all the kids chose to ride, much to my astonishment

Well, I guess I do, so here goes. A few highlights of the day:

No people - the day before the first day of school, tax-free shopping weekend, and 158 degree temperature

No waits - the longest wait we had was about ten minutes to one of the water rides; we walked right up to the turnstiles for the big-ticket coasters

Maturing kids - my previously cautious kids (fear of new things, fear of heights, etc.) tried some of the biggest and scariest rides in the park, including an almost vertical drop of about 15 or 20 stories in a water chute (see a photo here, which I have to provide a link for instead of a photo, since it's copyrighted)

S riding all the extreme roller coasters with her uncle, including one (Goliath) all by her lonesome

G riding one extreme roller coaster and considering another

T exhibiting that he's completely over his fear of heights (see photo link above, for the twisty chute, and this link for the giant water slide)

Time with the kids' aunt and uncle, who gave this outing to them for their birthdays

Goliath, which S rode twice, once by herself

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy Last Stop ... Terra Cotta Warriors

Photo of Boomerang by racer108 from here

Photo of Goliath by Kaleenxian from here

Saturday Quote for the Day

2009-08-22T16:16:00.005-05:00

"If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck ..."

Last week we received our long-awaited Lego Smart education kit, which consisted of twenty Lego pieces (one of which, of course, is already lost among the detritus around here), along with "challenges" for kids in classrooms to do. I was thrilled to see that the challenges ended up being interesting, entertaining, and creative.

The first challenge: "Build a Duck"

"Instruct students to remove the yellow and red LEGO bricks.... Using only these six bricks, ask students to build a LEGO duck.... have students compare their ducks to other ducks in the room."

The six red and yellow duck bricks.

Well, obviously, we have only one set of "LEGO Smart" bricks (this school is woefully understocked with educational supplies), so we had to get creative right off the bat. We decided to take turns building the duck, then I would take a picture (keeping it secret), and then we'd compare after everyone had had a go at it.

Here are the results:

T's version

S's version (walking)

My version

G's version (curled up)

H's version

T's best friend's duck

When we first started the challenge, I thought, "Good grief, how many possible combinations can there be? Obviously, everyone will have just about the same idea." I couldn't have been more wrong.

I loved all the imagination and creativity! The kids have made more and more ducks. We've been quacking like crazy around here.

Thank you, LEGO company! I'm grateful to you for allowing homeschoolers to participate (especially since the kit was free!), knowing that we actually do think about educational stuff from time to time.

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy "The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List"

Tax Free Shopping ... or Taxing Shopping?

2009-08-21T23:26:00.005-05:00

I'm not a shopper. I'm too cheap, nothing ever fits, I'm too picky, malls give me headaches, shopping makes my feet hurt, I hate having our country's over-the-top consumerism repeatedly blasting me in the fact all day, and the prices are way over my budget (did I mention that I'm cheap?). I find tax-free shopping to be anything but ... it taxes my patience and my sanity mightily.

But once every year I drag myself out with the other eager shoppers to tackle the stores during tax-free weekend. This is the weekend that the state drops its excessively high sales tax (which we have in place of a state income tax, and I'm not complaining!) for back-to-school shoppers. (Don't tell, but those of us who aren't going back to school take advantage of it too!)

Granted, the sales tax alone isn't high enough to warrant fighting the crowds, since I'd only be saving less than 9%. But lots of stores have large sales to entice people into their lairs, so that's worth it to me once a year to brave the shopping hoards.

So I just now got back home, at almost midnight, because many of the stores have extended hours.

I saw lots of moms with their kids, mostly older kids since that's the areas of the stores that I'm shopping in now. I guess I live in my own little bubble, because I'm constantly amazed at how much parents dislike being around their kids, and vice-versa. The moms were eagerly shopping, looking forward with glee to getting the kids out of their houses all day long starting Monday, and the kids were barely disguising their disgust for having to actually appear in public with their parents, much less to go shopping, because in their parents' presence the kids can no longer pretend that they were hatched or dropped from an alien spacecraft.

S and I spent several hours together this morning, walking from store to store with virtually no success at crossing things off our list, but we joked and kidded around and generally had a great time. The great time had to do with being together in spite of our mission.

I feel so sorry for those kids don't enjoy spending time with their parents, and I feel sorry for those parents who don't enjoy - or even know - their kids. Both sides are really missing out.

Who knows? I may be eating my words in a couple of years when one of my kids goes through that stage, but I certainly hope not. I'm doing everything in my power to make what most people think is inevitable be evitable (yes, it's a word ... I looked it up). Only time will tell.

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy Beyond Babies.

Photo by lu_lu from here.

Getting My Fall "Fix"

2009-08-20T23:25:00.004-05:00

"Hi. My name is Camille, and I'm a curriculaholic."

Every fall, I succumb to the siren song of my supplier, Rainbow Resource. I sit for hours, thumbing through 1,358 pages of 8-point type, picking out all the wondrous supplies, curricula, and resources that will spur my children's enthusiasm and "natural love of learning" (I hear they're supposed to have that).

I tag, dog-ear, circle, and list all the items that are essential to our upcoming homeschooling year. Then I tally up the total, and promptly eliminate 90% of it - you know, all the non-essential essential stuff.

I frequently find myself pining over resources that my kids aren't old enough for yet and lamenting the ones that my kids are too old for now. By the time I've skimmed through the entire tome, I have dozens of little plastic stickies poking out from the pages.

Even if I could afford to buy all the goodies that I desire, I wouldn't have enough time in the day to use them all. Ah, if I could buy a bunch of stuff, leave it lying around for the kids to "discover," and let that innate love of learning take over, my life would be easy. I could sit back and watch them expand their minds and explore their desires without my once having to crack the whip or snipe at them to "do something!"

But I can't afford it all, and it's probably a good thing, because then I'd just have to store it.

What does it say about the excitement in my life when I get all jazzed up about poring over pages and pages of teeny type explaining oodles of great stuff - whether it's Japan(Make It Work series ... fabulous, fabulous fabulous!), Milestones in Science(supercool history/science curriculum), or Backyard Ballistics(what kid doesn't love building things that fire projectiles?). I guess it says that I love being a homeschool mom, even when it means that my house is always a wreck, I never get enough sleep, we put 20,000 miles on our car every year, and all our "entertainment funds" go to Rainbow Resource.

Do they have a 12-step program for homeschooling addicts?

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If you liked this post, you might enjoy What We Give Our Kids.