tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6729359974426571273.post2196474117136124875..comments2023-05-14T03:24:56.671-05:00Comments on The Eclectic Mom: It Ain't Always Easy, but It's Always Worth ItEclectic Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597025645225619813noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6729359974426571273.post-40999564422804669582009-10-13T07:06:37.763-05:002009-10-13T07:06:37.763-05:00Well, I love the style and the frankness. And, per...Well, I love the style and the frankness. And, personally? I call total BS on anyone who says the AP route is all peaches and cream with fluffy ducky and bunny feelings. My generous butt it is. That kind of mindset/attitude/projection is what's turned me *off* places like MDC and almost off our local list, because of people who *don't* let it all hang out and admit their struggles and difficulties, but have no problem telling someone else where they've faltered. <br /><br />Making the choice - and yes, it is a choice, natural or not - to follow the AP path requires a bit of self-sacrifice and no shortage of moments where I've wondered if I'm cut out for it. I appreciate, immensely, knowing that there are people who work at it just as hard as I do.Victoriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13925344793260230297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6729359974426571273.post-35704596460100395262009-10-10T23:26:57.231-05:002009-10-10T23:26:57.231-05:00Thanks for all the support.
You know, before I ev...Thanks for all the support.<br /><br />You know, before I ever posted to API, I emailed the volunteer who handles the blog, expressly because I was concerned that my writing style was too "in your face" for their blog. I had read a bunch of their posts, and almost all of them were warm and fuzzy. I kinda figured that my style wouldn't sit well with every reader, but I was willing to give it a try, mostly because I thought it would give a different perspective. Guess I was right. Now one commenter thinks I'm self righteous. <br /><br />Oh well. Maybe I'm "that" blogger who gets everyone stirred up. I just can't be another sticky-sweet APer. That's not me, and that hasn't been my experience. I'll just continue to write about what I feel and what I've learned. Maybe it'll sit well with some mamas.Eclectic Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02597025645225619813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6729359974426571273.post-11096452396540306522009-10-09T23:41:39.238-05:002009-10-09T23:41:39.238-05:00You know, I think that in parenting we often have ...You know, I think that in parenting we often have to 'fake it 'til we make it', regardless of our parenting style. I bet you that sometimes every mom wants to run away and never come back, or at least not for a good solid 45 minutes. This job is really hard sometimes, it just is.<br /><br />I'm glad that there are people out there who feel that parenting, and specifically attachment parenting, is easy. I'm happy for them. But I don't think it's wrong to not feel that way myself, or that it signifies that I'm in any way out of balance.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6729359974426571273.post-66535077175080207042009-10-09T11:45:22.729-05:002009-10-09T11:45:22.729-05:00It is hard for us who know you and think the world...It is hard for us who know you and think the world of you to read your posts with a brand new eye as the readers in API-land do. We know so much more about you and your previous years as a mom to 3 young children than they do, and so we read your writing differently, almost reverently (at least I do).<br /><br />When we meet other AP moms they always seem so cool, so laid back, so With the Program. They speak softly, patiently, use the right words. We don't know if they are like that all the time, but we assume so, and then we go home <br /><br />a) feeling like a 2nd rate AP mom since we know we are not like that all the time and <br /><br />b) we vow to try harder, and strive for that perfect AP ideal.<br /><br />In my life I have met only 2 women who are patient 100% of the time, and they are really saints. They are wired differently, I simply bow to them!<br /><br />In this culture where convenience is paramount, it is important for new moms to know they are not alone if things get exhausting and impossible. So many moms may venture into AP-land and want to try it out but it is so HARD, it is often easier to go with the mainstream flow.<br /><br />As for this business of "pretending" -- to me I see it as the difference between an AP mom who is trying so hard, vs a mom who is not. All the books I have read and experiences I learn from have helped so much. I am as impatient as the next person, with a short-fuse to match, but rather than react with my instinct, I check myself and try very hard to use the right words, act the right way, even if I do not feel it immediately.<br /><br />I am praying that with time and practice it will become second nature to me and I won't have to 'pretend' anymore.<br /><br />Being an AP parent requires more than the regular amount of patience, time and dedication. No doubt about it.Raji P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08454013409152866521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6729359974426571273.post-60743068134787791032009-10-09T06:34:12.989-05:002009-10-09T06:34:12.989-05:00I read the post and the comment.
I see her poin...I read the post and the comment. <br /><br />I see her point, because I do try to understand where everybody is coming from.<br /><br />On your blog post yesterday, I said that Gavin was quite "easy", and AP worked out really well.<br /><br />But I must say that I am NOT a patient person by nature. I get frustrated and when I do, my son knows it. <br /><br />Honestly, sometimes I DID have to pretend to be patient! Just like you! I still do have to pretend at times... And sometimes I have to say, "Um, I can't deal with this at the moment" and retreat to my bedroom.<br /><br />Any parent who is patient 100% of the time, without sighing with frustration at least once in a while, should be nominated for sainthood.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07593137825372581921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6729359974426571273.post-38510408462639055602009-10-09T06:28:05.524-05:002009-10-09T06:28:05.524-05:00One of the biggest lessons in life is to reserve j...One of the biggest lessons in life is to reserve judgment. Our parenting experience is one of MANY and you don't know what it is like in every family. I would say until about 4 or 5 months ago, AP-parenting life was pretty great. I felt very successful as a parent savoring being at home with my then 4.5 year-old and almost 3 year-old. <br /><br />But life was creeping in - Getting into year two DH's depression/anxiety was taking its toll and a lot of my attention. Life was getting very busy and we were getting very task-focused and little did we realize how our little family was drifting apart. I have been so tired thanks to kids waking up, DS whose nervous system is such that he wets his bed a lot, or just bad nights of sleep. And the kids were driving us crazy, probably wanting attention, but we were to tired and wrapped up in surviving life to see that.<br /><br />And then in the past two weeks I have had thoughts like "I loathe my kids". Yeah, I thought that and much worse. I yelled at my kids all the time. I didn't want to be at home anymore. It was becoming clear to me that we needed help because this isn't the parent I wanted to be.<br /><br />Last night DH and I saw a therapist I used to see who specializes in child development and is an AP advocate - she was able to look at our life and the kid behaviors and helped us see what the kids behaviors were telling us. She helped with some tactical things with my son - learning how his nervous system plays into his actions for instance. It was so worth it and I feel so much love (and some sadness) for my children now that I have more clarity about what is going on.<br /><br />I have walked a tough road lately with a dad who is in a late stage dementia, and with hubby just about all of the responsibilities of life sit of my shoulders so he can work through this head and do his job where he works a ton. We have one late night a week where he works until midnight. And I have a part-time job as well.<br /><br />Life is hard and we all do the best we can. I think that the truth in AP parenting lies in being able to set our compass and realizing when the ship has veered off course. I could feel this ickiness in the relationship with my kids, our ship had run aground and wasn't going anywhere. To me it is the awareness that we needed help that is so key.<br /><br />Life's richest lessons lie in the toughest challenges. You learn who you are, how to take care of yourself, find your ability to be resilient through all life tosses at you and grow in amazing ways. <br /><br />AP parenting can be difficult especially when you have kids that have a wealth of challenges to offer. It can also be difficult when life throws curveball after curveball and somehow you have to find strength for all of it.<br /><br />I close with a new mantra of mine, "Compassion: because you don't know the whole story and you should always assume the best of others."Alyssahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06819871293453204058noreply@blogger.com